Dear Mia Dearden,

Thank you for your reply, it has shed light into a lot of my confusion.You said that men who behaves like this usually suffers from past hurt, but I think that this is not the case for him. As far as I knew he was spoiled growing up, being a son to a rich Chinese family,he was showered with a lot of attention and money. When I met him, he doesn't have a job but lived comfortably in his father's house.He was educated abroad so that means that there's very little parental guidance as he grew up. I think he was left to himself and was able to get away with everything.He sure is insensitive to people's feelings but are very sensitive to his. I didn't know a lot of this about him coz we had a long distance love affair. Now, after 9 yrs of marriage I know.

Killing him with kindness, cooking his favorite meal, I do that everyday! He would express his delight as he is such a food lover. But that appreciation seemed so shallow, and I feel it's not real. I feel he appreciates the kind of service I give him, but not me as a person. In arguments, he would refer to my race as inferior, he would say that I am a prostitute, a bitch , a witch, a pig , a dog, ungrateful for everything he gave me.He talks as if he has given me tons of money or gifts. He never gave me gifts for my birthday,valentine's day or anniversaries. Once, he purchased a hand phone, that's it. After giving birth to our first child, induced labor with no epidural, It was a near death experience for me. I remembered asking him for flowers, coz he never gave me one before. But he NEVER gave me, I was in tears but let it pass coz I was in ecstasy after seeing my first child.

I ask him to spare time for us to at least have a date once a month just the two of us, but it was so hard. He's really into his sports or gym which he engage almost everyday after work.On those very rare moments that we had a date like in our anniversary, he would be so disconnected, will not talk unless I speak.I really try to make the connection with him but emotionally, I really feel that I don't get anything from him. This is what I meant when I said I'm tired.

I try to get him to go for counseling in our church but he is unwilling.He said there's no need for that, he said that I was the problem coz I make him angry every time which forces him to talk bad to me. I know that he is just embarrassed to let other people know about him, coz with other people he always have a good front.

As he gets richer, his character is getting worse. Our 9th year anniversary is coming and I don't know if I want to continue with the 10th year.

Vanja said that our partners replaces somebody from our family. I wonder who could that be. I grew up opposite from my husband, we were really poor, my father abandoned us for another woman. Is that it? Am I paying for my father's sin? I think that's very unfair for me and my kids. Should I break this cycle of abuse by leaving him?

Obviously, I have more questions. I hope you still have some time to help me. Thanks once again.

Hi Vanja!

Hope you don't mind that I helped out here...I tried to think of how you would answer...feel free to correct anything that you feel is off.

Have a beautiful day!