Hi 35490...I haven't checked curezone in quite a while...we're having problems with
an elderly parent and have just been swamped. But for some reason, I took the time
this morning and found your post.

Gifted people and high IQ's have always interested me because we have 3 kids...all
grown now. They all have above average IQ's...the middle son is above average...but
our oldest son is what they called Mega Genius...and our daughter...which is the
youngest..has a genius IQ. My husband and I have always wondered why our kids had
such high IQ's...since we are just average country people that love a simple life.
I even asked our family doctor one day...why that would be...and he said, "Well either you or your husband must have a genius IQ"....Well, it's not me...that's for
sure. :-) And we don't really CARE if we have a high IQ or not. We're happy...know
what the important things in life are...and THAT is what really matters.

Yesterday, we were driving home from my mother-in-laws...just to come home for a bit...and heard them talking about IQ's on the radio...so I came right in and did
a quick search on IQ's. I checked 2 websites...all I had time for...and learned on
those that we are 'born' with the IQ we have...and there is nothing we can do to
change it. I wanted to read more...but just didn't have the time. But it DID say
we are born with our IQ's...both websites said that.

Our kids DO all have very special personalities. They DO stand out in a crowd.
I'm sure you've heard about people that when they enter a room...you feel their
"presence". That's the way all our kids are...and we are so proud of their accomplishments and personalities. But having a high IQ or being "gifted". (The
gifted school program was formed in our county because of our son..decades ago)
But all of that doesn't mean a hill of beans. It's what's in the heart that matters.
Our kids all have outstanding voices...can draw just anything you name in a heartbeat...and you can just mention a subject and they can just tell you all about it.
I remember once when our oldest son was about 6 and I had read an article about
the green aura around oceans or something (see I can't even remember WHAT I read..) But we were at the supper table and he just bopped up and said..."OHHHHH
that's ..blah blah..so and so" My husband and I just dropped our mouths open and
said...How did you KNOW that..and he said.."I don't know...I just know it". Whatever he said...my husband said he was right. :-)
Our oldest son was tested in 5th grade and that's when we found out about his IQ.

Your sister may be in a rut because she has no one special in her life...or does she? If she's 20...and not in a serious relationship...that is a major thing to
most young women. Is she overweight? Has she always had this kind of personality
or attitude? Do you or any of her family 'run her down'...because she doesn't
have a lot of initiative? Sometimes...a person with a weak personality...can be
just beat right in to the pavement...by those around them...by other people's actions and words toward them.
Try 'lifting her up'...tell her you've noticed a 'spark' about her lately that you
haven't seen in a long time. If you'll do that several times...and sheepishly grin...like you think "she" is hiding something...that spark should begin to ignite...just from the words YOU say. Use 'reverse psychology'...do you know what
that is? That's when you 'plant a thought into someone else...just by what YOU
say or do'. Well...so to speak.

There ARE tests...even on the internet...to help you find your calling. I even have
2 or 3 books with tests in them for that purpose..I think one of the books is called
"Life Keys"...not sure and no time to look it up. Do a search on that....

Just build her up...and ask other family members to do the same. But in an honest,
natural way. It could be that if you are tooting your own horn too often in front
of her...she just feels inferior to you.

And increasing your income 4 or 5 times in the next 5 years may sound good to you...
but remember...it's only money...and you sure can't take it with you...take time
for real life and especially real true love.
People seem to always want to keep up with the "Jones"...but you can bet your boots
the JONES are trying to keep up with someone 'they' feel is above THEM.
Of our 3 kids...the 2 with the genius IQ's...are always working towards extreme
wealth...and very well may get there at the rate they're going...but it's our
middle son with the just above average IQ and the family that lives on the little
farm and is a deacon in his little baptist church that is the happy one. The other
two's contentment can't hold a candle to his...and he just has an average job with
average income. So money and stuff does NOT make the man. It's what's inside
that makes us what we really are.

I've been way too long as usual...but let me close with a couple of my favorite
quotes. kathryn

"There is more to life than having everything!"

"Find at least one reason each day to go...Ahhhhhhhhhh!"

First of all, IQ is a bunch of rubbish. It has nothing to do with actual intelligence. It is not a measure of how intelligent you are, it is a measure of how well you fit into an expected mode of thinking. The entire concept of IQ causes people to place extraordinary perceptual limits upon themselves. They take this number that they're given and say "this is what I am and will always be" -- because they're also told at the same time that IQ cannot be altered -- and so they basically kill the entire possibility of personal expansion. Fortunately for those with "high IQ's", their limit of expansion is higher than those with average or lower IQ's, but it is still limited nonetheless.

Someone with a 130 IQ may appear very smart to those with a 100 IQ, and conversely, those with a 100 IQ may often appear as retards to the person with 130! But it's all relative and stems from comparison to others. The person with a 130 IQ will also compare himself to those with a (supposedly) higher IQ, and say "I can never be THAT smart, I can never be a genius, I can never have extraordinary revolutionary thoughts. I'm just smarter than the average Joe, but I can never be REALLY smart", and so it will be, because that's the extremely limited idea of himself that he believes. If someone goes through life believing (not just word-thinking, but actually BELIEVING) that they are worthless, then surely they will be! And on the opposite end, if someone goes through life believing they're capable of anything, they will be! And so the "worthless" person looks at the "successful" person and comes up with a million different explanations as to why that person is seemingly capable of anything -- ranging from luck, high IQ, "good genes", being "gifted", etc. -- without ever realizing the only REAL reason, which is that we each bear the sole responsibility of creating ourselves.

But as I said, IQ is certainly no measure of real intelligence. At best, it is a very crude, inefficient, general analysis of the capabilities of the INTELLECT (which does not equate to intelligence) within a series of tests which are extremely biased towards certain ways of thinking and interpreting the world. If someone's internal thinking processes differ from the "norm", they will score low on the test and be told they have a low IQ, and as the examples above, will buy into that limited belief of themself that they can never be extraordinary. Or on the other, a person with differing internal processes may score extremely high on the tests, just because certain ways they process or interpret things are better suited to those kinds of tests given, and so the person will be labeled a genius -- and as all the others, will buy into that belief, and so become it.

REAL intelligence can never be confined to some number or some crude tests. Real intelligence comes from alertness, awareness, observation, wisdom, which all seem to be more "qualitive" traits rather than "quantitive". Quantity is easy to measure, but how can you measure quality?

What if someone were to design an "EQ" (and I'm sure somewhere someone probably has) -- Emotional Quotient -- which assigned to you a number which told you how "emotionally" capable you were? Do you really think this number, based on some tests created by a commitee or some scientists, can really represent the emotion that you FEEL? Can love be confined to a number? People can't even express love in WORDS! If even WORDS are a completely inefficient way of describing or communicating emotion, how on earth can they be reduced to a number? Emotion is a qualitive state. The process of defining it -- especially through someone else's idea of how it should be defined -- actually KILLS emotion!

The same is true for intelligence. Intelligence is far more than a number, it's far more than what some man-created test tells you. Intelligence can never be defined. Just like emotion, it is qualitive, not quantitive. It can be felt and understood, but never confined to some tests and numbers. Those tests and numbers are dead, mechanical, robotic. Intelligence is alive, dynamic, alert, present!

Just look at all those with "genius" IQ's ... they may be "successful" in society's eyes, but internally they are often far from a success. They have just as many internal and emotional problems as everyone else. Just as much pain and suffering, worries, issues with self-esteem and living up to other peoples' standards. Their genius IQ may have helped them "succeed" in society, but it may not do much to help them to succeed in THEMSELVES, where it really matters.


As far as being "gifted", there's no such thing. That's just another idea society places importance on, based on what they think are qualities or traits that makes a person "talented" or "special". It all stems from the ego-mind which thinks it is better than someone else because it is more skilled in a certain ability or can do something others can't. Now, an individual person may not think like this, but SOCIETY DOES, and as such, will label those with perceived "talents" as special, gifted, above the norm.

But what makes a person "gifted"? Society says having a high IQ makes you gifted. Being able to play music or make art makes you gifted. Having some special talent makes you gifted. But it's all a bunch of lies. It's just the ego talking.

Everyone thinks they have to be "special" to be accepted by society -- and infact, they do, because society is a harsh and cruel machine -- and so everyone is struggling to be "extraordinary" instead of just "ordinary". And of course, their idea of what's "extraordinary" is based on what society has told them is extraordinary! But looking at how many people are trying to escape being ordinary, I am left to think that being ordinary is an accomplishment all in itself! Have you ever tried to just be normal, work some low or moderate paying job, without all the luxuries of life, without being anyone "important" or "special" in the eyes of others, and still feel GOOD, HAPPY and CONTENT? Without feeling like you have to "become someone better"? It might not be as easy as you think...

We all have different traits and abilities that we gravitate towards or have a greater affinity for. Not all traits are "extraordinary", there are many that are subtle and "ordinary", but nonetheless just as important, if not moreso.

Consider a loving mother who is devoted to raising her children with love, respect, kindness and understanding, acceptance and guidance -- all of which seem to be a rarity these days. She doesn't paint, she doesn't make music. She has an average IQ. She doesn't possess any extraordinary traits or "create" anything that society deems worthy of praise. But in my eyes she is far more gifted than some virtuoso pianist or some dry intellectual. And her gift is a rarity. There are millions of "extraordinary" people, and millions more striving to be extraordinary, but very few who can just be ordinary and happy. And in fact, she IS creating, she IS expressing a skill, an art, and a very tricky one at that. But it's just so subtle that society, in its mad obsession with "greatness", fails to recognize it.

As for your sister, there isn't much you can "do" to "help" her, other than showing her that she's the only one that can help herself. She's the one responsible for where she's at. Society may have told her she's worthless, but she's the one that accepted it and allowed it -- and continues to allow it -- to manifest.

If you really want to help her, then start taking a great interest in her. Spend time with her, get her involved. Get to know her. And pay attention, be observative, watch for those areas that she seems really interested in or seems to be drawn to ... you have to be keen and watchful, because she may not even express these interests very strongly at first. She may be resigned to the idea that she'll never be able to do them and so may not express a great obvious interest -- but those "dreams" are still there and will poke their heads out from time to time. You just have to be watchful. And when you notice them, start encouraging her. Don't PUSH her or try to force her, but start bringing those things into her life. Be creative about it. If she makes some passing comment about something she'd "like" to do, then start inquiring about it. Start looking for ways to bring that thing into her life, even if only in subtle ways. It doesn't have to be anything huge. The greatest thing you can do is simply take an interest in the things she seems to be interested in -- once you figure out what those things are.

But YOU have to get involved too. YOU have to put aside YOURSELF and make HER the focus. She has to become just as important as you, or moreso. That alone will start to make a big difference. Your sister is starved of genuine love and affection. Love doesn't have to be expressed in "hugs" or gifts or saying "I love you". It can be expressed in many ways, and one of the greatest and most effective ways of expressing love is to make the other more important than yourself.

When your sister feels that someone else is genuinely interested in her, she'll begin to open up. She'll become more alive. She'll feel like she actually matters, like someone actually CARES, even if it's only one person. By someone else taking a genuine interest in her, she'll take an interest in herself. By feeling that she's worthy enough for someone else to care about her, she'll begin to feel worthy enough of caring about HERSELF. When a plant is starved of water, you don't just expect it to start growing. You have to water it, then it will grow. It may take a little bit of time for it to receuperate, but eventually it will come around and begin to flourish and blossom. The same is true for people. So start watering!

"But how can I know if even she doesn't?"

She knows. She just doesn't realize it, or think she's capable enough.

One last comment:

"Also my roomate is about the same. And the problem here is different, sometimes he thinks he's an artistic person and I can't really applaud to his works when I do it much better. He's also "just a worker"."

First of all, how can you say you draw much better than him? How can you define what is good art and what is bad? A child's drawings can be far more creative and inspired/inspiring than those of some "technically trained" artist! How can you say that your form of expression is "better" than someone else's? Creativity, personal expression, in any form, is a highly subjective thing. Now, you may be better at translating what you see "inside" onto paper, but how it gets translated onto paper isn't the important thing. What's important is the creative process itself, and what is being expressed. Look beyond the technical aspect of what was applied to the paper, look deeper and grasp the real essence of what is being conveyed, communicated. Then you may find your roommate's art to be far more creative and original than your own (how dare I suggest such a thing!). Of course, it a lso might not be. It all depends on whether his expression is coming from his own genuine creativity and originality, or if he's just trying to make art based on society's idea of what art or good drawing is.

Second of all (and last!), there's nothing wrong with him or anyone else being "just a worker". "Extraordinary" people are only one half of the world's equation. The other half, that nobody seems to want to accept, is the "ordinary". Without those people, where would you be? It's all interconnected. How would you be so "gifted" without those "normal" people to compare yourself to? How will you be wealthy without those "poor" people to compare yourself to? A lot of people look down on others working in fast food restaurants, but those very same people seem dependant and addicted to that fast food -- so where would they be without those workers to so readily serve them their luxury? Their health would be a lot better for sure! But that's beside the point :)

Not many "ordinary" people seem to be happy with their position in life. But also, very few "extraordinary" people come to genuinely be happy either! Even great kings with so many riches and every luxury you could imagine, find themselves in great internal sorrow, misery, unhappiness.

My greatest praise goes to all those who love and accept their "duty" in life regardless of whether it's labeled as "extraordinary" or "ordinary". Those who can love and accept themselves with contentment and happiness, without the need to live up to someone else's standards or impress anyone ... those are the truely gifted ones.

--James

Don't know if anyone is still reading this thread, but there is an entirely different view of "giftedness" and "genius" that you will enjoy reading.

... See http://www.geniuspress.com

... And read her first best-seller (for free) at http://www.wishcraft.com

Everything you need to recognize your own genius is in Wishcraft.

This book has never been promoted, yet it continues to help thousands find what they love, and therefore, what they do best...even if they love many things.

Barbara Sher's next best-seller, "Refuse to Choose", comes out March 7th. See Amazon.

Enjoy!

fledgling