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Day 1 of Water Fast – I didn't fast today
My daily Journey to a healthier life style
Date: 3/10/2011 2:36:37 PM ( 13 y ) ... viewed 1682 times
March 8, 2011
I woke up having a funny feeling. It was because of the dream that I had. I had a dream that I was cold (which I was, because one of my blankets had fallen off me) and my father came to me and covered me up and brought me a glass of water. It was a lovely dream, but it was very real too. I felt like a little kid again. I remember as a child how my father would cover me up and kiss me good night. It has been so long, since I have felt that way. The last time I can ever remember my father tucking me in to sleep was when I was 6 years old, before he married my stepmother. The dream made me feel really good and I prayed a little bit to God when I got up.
As I was getting dressed, I really thought about starting my fast today, but decided not too, since it is Fat Tuesday and I should enjoy it a little bit. Ahhhh, the Catholic in me. I didn't eat breakfast or lunch, because I decided that I would treat myself out to Ryan's Steakhouse. There I would have a choice of salad veggies and a little of a different things that I normally buy. I like Ryan's once in a while when I want something different other then what I am cooking.
During my lunch, I realized that I didn't grab my Bible or my bible study, so I drove home and go it. I felt really good as I drove through town after I got it. I was trying to keep myself busy since I was eating lunch today. I realized that it has been a very long time since I drove anywhere to get my Bible when I forgot it. I tried to remember that last time I carried it normally in my messenger bag that I carry with me. I have to say that it must be close to a little over a year since I carried it with me closely enough that I had it on me at all times. I guess you can say that my relationship with Phil really damaged that part of my faith. I stopped carrying my Bible and reading it on my lunch. I have always known what my down fall to my faith is. First, it is that my fellowshipping with others starts to fail, then I stop doing to church, and then lastly I stop reading my Bible. I was seriously thinking about Lent and what I have done in the past. I used to blog my Christian thoughts, and I checked my blog to see that that last time I wrote anything was December 19, 2009. I realized that even then, my faith was struggling, as my entry showed it. I called it “Weeding out my faith Garden”
Here is what I posted on December 19, 2009:
Weeding out my “Faith” Garden
I have been thinking a lot about my faith and how it seems to wane back and forth like the moon at times. Especially in times of uncertainty. I even thought I love God very much, at times lately He has been the farthest from my mind, as my mind is taken over by worries and stresses.
I should know better not to worry about things, because the things that grip my heart are nothing but worries of this world. The Lord Jesus said in Matthew 6:25-27
“That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?” ~Matthew 6:25-27
Worrying and Fretting can be a tiresome thing. Something that eats away at a person from the inside out.
Psalms 37:1-3 says not to fret.
1 Do not fret because of evil menor be envious of those who do wrong;
2 for like the grass they will soon wither,like green plants they will soon die away.
3 Trust in the LORD and do good;dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. ~Psalm 37:1-3
That means I am not to allow something to consume my mind. I am to just trust in the Lord, no matter how hard it is. I must trust.
A good friend of mine pointed out this piece of scripture, Psalm 55:22 when I was worried about a lot. It was a great comfort to read that.
Give your burdens to the Lord,and he will take care of you.
He will not permit the godly to slip and fall. ~Psalm 55:22
How many times have I in the last four months, forgotten the Lord standing there during my times of tribulation and worry as I feel over burdens with heavy things like money. Worrying about paying for things with only one paycheck. Worrying about having enough food in the house with two other mouths to feed. Worrying about having enough money to pay increasing bills. It seems all I have been doing is worrying that I am forgetting who I am. I am forgetting God in my life. I know I have to remember what Jesus said in Matthew 6:34 during these times.
“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries.
Today’s trouble is enough for today" ~Matthew 6:34
Yet, I do worry about things I should not. I am a worry wart. I always have been to some point. But I had always had trust in God. The one thing I have noticed is worrying does affect the soil of my faith. I say that because my heart has been focused on Mark 4:1-20 because the affects of this world, has been starving my seed of faith. I am choked with thorns. As Jesus said in Mark 4:18-19
And others are the ones sown among thorns.
They are those who hear the word, but the cares of the world
and the deceitfulness of riches and the desires for other things enter in and choke the word,
and it proves unfruitful. ~Matthew 4:18-19
My roots are deep in my love for the Lord, but the world has carefully wound thorns around my “faith” making me feel choked and uncertain about my faith. Even causing me to slack off on reading my Bible during the most important time, when I desperately need it.
Proverbs 12:25 warns what a worrying heart can do.
“Worry weighs a person down. . .”Proverbs 12:25
Jesus said to us in John 16:33
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." ~John 16:33
In all my worrying, I have allowed weeds and thorns to grow in my “faith patch” in my heart, preventing me to see things as God has made them before me. It is the thorns and weeds, that the enemy has sown in my “faith patch” as it is stated in the Bible in Matthew 13:24-28. I allowed the enemy to sneak in and plant things, that now have grown out of control, and now I am weeding it with the word of God.
24Here is another story Jesus told: “The Kingdom of Heaven is like a farmer who planted good seed in his field.
25 But that night as the workers slept, his enemy came and planted weeds among the wheat, then slipped away.
26 When the crop began to grow and produce grain, the weeds also grew.
27 “The farmer’s workers went to him and said, ‘Sir, the field where you planted that good seed is full of weeds! Where did they come from?’
28 “‘An enemy has done this!’ the farmer exclaimed. . . . ~Matthew 13:24-28
I must watch more carefully on what worldly things have access to my faith or as I have found out, how the enemy sneaks in plants negative things, things that are meant to harm us. I always remember God's word on His plans for us. My dear friend got me a key chain to never forget, in my times of uncertainty and doubt. My friend told me to look at it and read the inscription on it when I felt helpless and loss in my way with the Lord. It is Jeremiah 29:11. I always still tear up when I read it. It was given to me during a very hard time in my life and it was the most thoughtful gift I could ever receive.
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. ~Jeremiah 29:11
Keep the thorns and weeds out of your faith. I am currently weeding out my “faith garden” as I have become slack on its spiritual upkeep. And because I was sloppy and careless on my “spiritual” upkeep with my faith by not sticking to the Word of God when I needed it the most. I am now weeding out and chasing out the enemy from my “faith garden” in which should only hold things of God which are true and right. Not things of negativity or despair.
I know I must always temper the soil of my faith with God's word, otherwise, unsavory worldly items will sneak in and take root. It is just better to be cautious to know the current state of your faith's “soil” so that you will be fruitful as Jesus wanted, and not choked by thorns in this world.
Remember He said to take heart, He OVERCAME the world!
God bless.
It is really strange to read that because a part of me can't believe that I wrote that! Maybe during my Lenten Season, I will share a couple more posted that I made in the year 2009. I guess it shows me that I was struggling even then with my faith during my relationship with Phil. And how that relationship was causing my faith to fall apart and make me doubt myself and my love for the Lord. It is kind of sad to read, because it was me then and hard for me to see it as me now. I mean I seem so strong in my faith, more stronger then I feel now. I can honestly say that I like that person that I used to be. One that knew the scripture and applied it to my life. Now, I struggle to even pray at times. I hope during the Lenten season, I can re-connect with the Lord like I was before Phil came along.
After work, I called Phil, because I knew tomorrow was important to him. I told him that I hoped that he was doing okay and my heart was with him. I also told him that I was sorry about making him angry at me. I had hoped that he would want to see me again in the future. After I got off the phone, I wondered if he really listens to my message or just deletes them. Then I wished I wouldn't have called him. I hate being weak and felt stupid afterwards. To keep myself busy, I walked around the Salvation Army for a little a bit while I wait until 6:00 p.m. so I could call my Dad. He was still in the hospital and I wanted to talk to him before I had my Fat Tuesday meal. While I was waiting, I found two books by James Joyce, which I got for 19 cents a piece. I got Portrait of the Artist as a young man and Finnegan's Wake. I am looking forward reading them, as the one attorney likes James Joyce and I should try reading his works. So when I came across them, I picked them up to add to my reading collection. I also found a wonderful book called Greater Health: God's way by Stormie Omartian. It looked really good and it even had a chapter in the book for prayer and fasting. I am sure that I was going to start reading that one right away.
I talked to my Dad a little bit. He said that he would probably be home tomorrow as his oxygen levels are staying more level when he walks around and such. I told him that he probably will be really glad to get home, especially the doggies. My Dad said “Yeah” My Dad and stepmother have three dogs, which two of them are actually my stepmother's but you wouldn't know it. All three dogs love my father to death. LOL And when he is not home, they get depressed and go around looking for him. My father also told me that my sister, Amanda, flew up from Florida and is visiting until Sunday. I don't know what it made me feel bad. Maybe it is because she was able to come and visit my father and I was not. My stepmother told me that his life wasn't in danger tot he point he would die. So I felt a bit horrible that I wasn't able to see him like my sister was. After I got off the phone with my father, I felt like a bad daughter for some reason. And the rest of the time I spent at window shopping wasn't fun at all.
When I got to Ryan's I decided to have a glass of sweet tea, which I haven't had anything like that in months. Everything looked great. I had some boiled cabbage ( I love cabbage), steamed carrots, turnips greens, some boiled potatoes, a small piece of steak. All of it was good, especially the steak. I didn't finish the potatoes as they were very dry. I then made myself a chicken (with the cold chicken from the salad bar) taco with tomatoes, lettuce, sour cream, cheese and salsa. I got some corn, fresh mushrooms and green peppers from the salad bar (a whole pile of them). It was a lovely meal, but it didn't seem like much since I probably wasted my money with just that, but it was lovely never the less. I wasn't tempted by the corn dogs, (which I curious what they tasted like since I haven't had one in a while), the Mac and cheese or the pizza. They had Gumbo but I passed on it. You can kind of say that I kind of put myself thought a mock test, and I believe that I passed. There were tons of stuff that I could have eaten but I didn't. If anything, I saw that a lot of it wasn't something that I really wanted to put in my body. Such as the fried fish, the fried chicken, the fried shrimp. I didn't even get close to the dessert bar, as there was nothing there that I wanted. All the fruit I wanted was on the salad bar. I didn't have any fruit because the food I had was enough. I drank my iced tea, and enjoy it. It was sweeter then I remember having in the past. When the waitress trying to fill it back up again. I told her that I didn't want anymore, that was one reason why I ordered a water as well. I have a bad habit, if I have a drink, I will drink it all and if it is re-filled, I will drink it all again until I am full. I have had that problem since I was a child, so I always limit myself to one glass when I am eating out.
When I got home, I started reading Greater Health: God's way by Stormie Omartian. Wow, it was great. I read half way through it before I got too tired to read anymore. I thought about Phil a bit and wondered how he might be feeling. I talked to God a bit before I finally feel asleep.
EXERICISE: walked 1.99 Miles,
WATER INTAKE: 16 ounces of water
WEIGHT: 129 pounds
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