Day 9 of Post Water Fast by Sacristia Blog entry

Blog: My Health Journey
by Sacristia

Day 9 of Post Water Fast

My daily Journey to a healthier life style

Date: 3/10/2011 2:18:11 PM ( 13 y ) ... viewed 1493 times

February 26, 2011

The roads were better so when I woke up, I got myself ready like I usually do on the weekends. It is funny how I don't follow normal routines on Weekends, but I will continuously make my bed regardless. It is funny how I can keep that routine going, but not always others. LOL

I went over to Christy's house for a couple hour. I did what I normally do when I am over there (read, watch TV, help clean). It was funny once I got there Christy was wondering where I was yesterday. She is used to me coming over on Fridays as well, but I told I didn't because the weather and the roads were bad. Since she doesn't have a vehicle, I usually take her the grocery store once a week, when I visit her. So we went to Walmart later on in the day. Of course, I picked up some frozen veggies and some spices, but not a whole lot because I didn't need a lot. I more or less watched other people and what they were getting. I guess it has become a habit of mine to watch what other people are buying, as I am curious of their eating habits and lifestyles. You can tell a lot about a person's health by what they purchase. I see really obese people buying cases of soda and chips, while I have noticed more skinny like people, by more fresh stuff, but still mixed it with processed stuff. I see a lot of mother's grouped around with children, buy a lot of stuff that is processed or in a box. It is plan to see that it is harder to eat healthier when you have several mouths to feed. I am sure in families with children, such as Christy's house, Mac and cheese is a staple. I know that canned goods are. I guess my favorite place to look at food is the fresh veggie and fruit section. I don't like Walmart's variety as much as I like Krogers. I probably because Krogers has more organic bagged veggies that I eat a lot of. Walmart has a lot to select from, but, I still buy a lot from Krogers. I know they have a bigger spice selection then Walmart does. That is for sure!

I was over a Christy's until late since I didn't come over to her on Friday. We talked about various things and watching a couple movies. I know it didn't seem much, but it was better then sitting in house by myself. I sometimes wonder if I will ever find someone to spend my time with. I try not to think about it much, because then my mind goes to thinking about Phil. And I am really trying hard get over that. I haven't seen him since the January. It really hurts that since he moved out in December, I have seen him only twice.

Christy's sister, Sunshine, was wanting to hook me up with someone, since she knows that I am single. Christy just looked at her and then me, because she knows that I am very very picky about the guys that I want to date. Sunshine has dated a lot and to be honest, the guys she has dated in the past seem very scummy. So anyone that she would want to hook me up with is probably not my type or style. I guess that is one reason why I need to get back into going to church. How am I going to find a Christian guy to date, if I don't go to church?

Then again, I told myself that I was going to wait awhile, so it isn't like my needs for having a man is sitting on hot plate. I want the next guy in my life to be like my best friend. Like Kevin and Travis were. How Phil fit in the picture is hard to explain. We started out good friends, and we shared a lot, then he got private and started clamming up regarding stuff with me. He hurt me a couple of times and I started to withdraw a bit more over time, to the point I was always questioning myself what I should share and what I shouldn't share with him, so I wouldn't get hurt again. I guess that is why I am so disappointed with myself regarding my relationship with Phil. I hoped that with all the hard work and love that I put into it, that it would have worked out better then it did. I plays with my mind a bit sometimes when I am alone. I guess that is why I try to go over to my friend's house or I am always reading a book. So I won't be reminded that I am alone and I do really miss Phil.

I wonder if I should set a particular date as a time that I can start dating again, if I want to. You know, a kind of grieving period so that way I can get myself back to normal mentally and emotionally. I should say December of 2011, which will give me a year, but I also want to leave things open a bit, in case, God does send someone my way. All I know is that God will have to smack me around to let me know, because I am terrible at knowing if a guy is right or not. Maybe that is one reason why I don't date much and I have never dated. I was told once that I am kind of a fluke, because most teenagers get a lot of their dating experience while they are in high school, and as they get older, it is easier to find someone compatible. I never dated while I was in high school. I didn't started dating until I was graduated. The last boyfriend I had, was when I was in the 5th grade. His name was Jason Bright, and he dated me like one day. The next day, he gave me a bunch of stamps from my stamp collection and dumped me. It was weird, but that is how I remember it. After that, no one really asked me out. I thought for a very long time, that there must be something really wrong with me, because I didn't have a boyfriend. Christy always had boyfriends, but then again, she would date anyone that would ask her.

I have always wanted to get married and children, but being 37 years old, I wonder if that will ever happen. I guess that will be one of my focal points wen I do my Lenten fast, is that I petition with the Lord if it is His will to see me married and having children. I am almost afraid to ask, because it seems selfish of me, as well as I am afraid the answer might be “No”. Most of my friends, don't know how much I would love to be married and have children. Christy might, but she probably is the only one. She knows me. When we were in high school, among our friends, I was the one that probably was going to get married first and have children. It is really funny, because I am the last of a group of five people. I am the only one out of that five to have a college education though. When all my friends were getting married and having children, I was working 3 jobs and putting myself through college. I don't know if I like the trade off, but I wanted to make sure if I ever had a family, I wanted to be able to support it well. At least that was my thought. And now I am single at 37 years of age.

The only one I really saw myself marrying was Travis. I have never been able to picture myself walking down the aisle with anyone but him. I guess that is what was a little bit scary about it because, in the past, I couldn't picture it. But with him, I could.

Oh well, that is the past, and I don't need to be dragging that up. It will only make my heart hurt more then it does.

Driving home in the snow, I ended up crying because I couldn't deny my heart that I missed Phil and his son in my life. At least when I did get home, Mekong was waiting for me like a faithful dog in her little cattish way, crying and rubbing up against me. I think she was more interested in the snow from my shoes that I brought in. I ended up drowning any loneliness I had with a movie and reading a book before I fell asleep. Hopefully tomorrow will be better, but I doubt it. Sundays are the worst, because it is usually a day I stay home to get laundry done and stuff like that. I will just have to see.

EXERICISE: walked 3.86 Miles,

WATER INTAKE: 12 ounces

WEIGHT: Unknown