Re: Why Can't I find a Man ??? (sorry long post:)

Hello again,

Sounds like you are becoming a "woman loosed"~! Certainly
healing is washing over you and so that makes me happy to be
a part of that for you. It made me really glad to read that
you had gone out and enjoyed your afternoon yesterday too.

Something that popped out from one of your other replies
that caught my attention was that you had made a video of
what you wanted and watched it over and over to manifest
it. This caused me to remember a lesson which at the time
was very difficult for me to learn, but with the reminding by
a teacher, I did. He told me that expectations were one of
the biggest sources of grief, and pain and sadness. It is okay
to have goals, he said, but real peace and joy can be found
easier when you do not set yourself up to fail. Consider thinking
on this concept in some quiet times and perhaps you can see
the difference between putting out a list of expectations and
manifesting what you need to find peace and happiness.

Certainly, in relationships, if you pay attention, you can see
where others set you up to fail them, or you put so many
expectations on another or yourself that eventually they and you
will fail you. If you can enjoy another and not compare them to
a list of criteria, you may find the freedom to enjoy yourself and
others too. Since this was an issue I have spent much
time working on, I find it easy to bring it to other people's
awareness (in my own relationships), especially in a healing
situation where people often have their own ideas about what
they need and often they are not aware of what they need and
so find themselves disappointed with the progress which finds
them, or that another issue they felt they were in control of, pops
up to bite their bum. In my experience, releasing instead of
hanging onto expectations brought me the freedom to expand
my life instead of trying to *fit* into my idea, or that of others,
of what my life should be like, or how I *should* act. So,
consider releasing your expectations and looking at what
replaces them and rediscovering your *joy*in LIVING.

I can give you an example. A friend of mine watched her
grandfather die as a child. She just happened to be there
when he passed in his bed. Especially as a child, she did
not have the skills to reference it better than being abandoned.
Later, her father divorced her mother, and again, there was
chaos and grief and pain and sadness. As an adult, she was
never quite able to gain the awareness needed to see that
the pattern of her relationships were such that she was reliving
her core trauma over and over, in an attempt to heal it and
also validate her sense of self-worth that she was not worth
sticking around for. She constantly pushed at the people who
loved her so that finally they would leave because it became
too painful to relate to her. Fortunately, our paths crossed
in a healing capacity and I was with her long enough to see
this pattern clearly. It was like a slap in the face for her to
finally see this pattern for what it was. Once she gained her
awareness, she was able to heal for good and went on to
*enjoy* her third and successful marriage.

Hopefully, your newfound hope and clues on how you are
sabatoging your life will serve you well in adding to your
awareness that it is time to really shift to the next level.
It can be discomforting to realize the way you have always
done things is no longer working, but once you embrace the
idea of changing, so often it can be invigorating and like
awakening from a deep sleep, you can see life afresh and
enjoy yourself and others....

When I read about your habit of avoiding eye contact, it
brought to mind someone who was living here for awhile.
He was a young guy, 20-something, and he would moan
and groan and despair that women did not like him. We live
near a college town and he thought the girls there were hot
but totally out of his reach. He was a good looking guy so
it was hard to imagine what his problem really was. So one
evening, my BF and I invited him to go out with us. Since
I and my BF are more than a little outgoing, we thought we
might be able to teach him a few tricks. We actually went
from place to place and watched how he acted. Besides
drooling a little over the girls and meeting up every other
aisle in the grocery store to hear another little whine, we
noticed immediately that girls were drooling over him and
some would follow him, but that he NEVER looked at anyone
in a way that connected. If he caught or felt anyone looking
at him he would totally shut down and turn or practically run
to another part of the store. Ah, so there we found it, the
reason for his misery. Now my generation, we did not have
computers and we *hung out* majorly. When Saturday Night
Live first came out, and was a hit, every saturday night,
where I lived, we had a big party and the house was
crammed with people pre-show, during the show and after.
It was just the way we grew up, we were communal and
reached out to each other to do things together. His generation
was/is not this way and besides the stint of being mall rats,
mostly he and his friends did not have the sense of self
esteem needed to form bonds and to enjoy others like
most of us do. Once we were able to pinpoint the problem
and bring his awareness to it, he caught up quickly and
there was no more whining and like a more typical young man,
once his work day ended, he was out the door looking
for fun and friendship. He found what he was looking for
too, since once he began to look at others, he found his
solution was truly right before his very eyes...

So, right on~! Look in your mirror constantly, develop
that winning smile by smiling at your reflection and toss
out a few compliments to yourself while you are at it~!

Best wishes,
Zoe

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