Being "whole"

It would be a wonderful thing if someone could find a "cure" for narcissism and/or abuse, wouldn't it? Unfortunately, a narcissist has to be willing and prepared to be brutally honest, courageous, and diligent in order to whip their personality disorder. That's the difference between a definitive mental disorder and narcissism - one is organic while the other is a "learned" behavior. There is no drug that will offset their choice in behaviors, nor is there any sure-fire therapy that will be effective. Most narcissists who end up in counseling or therapy quickly choose to end their sessions because they will not tolerate facing truth where their behavioral choices are concerned. I pity an NDP, but I do not feel sorry for them - they deliberately bait, lure, and snare victims for the sole purpose of feeding their own personal needs whether those needs are social, sexual, career-oriented, emotional, etc. My pity only goes to the point where it is a shame that anyone (perpetrator OR victim) refuses to choose a life of beauty and acceptance.

You hit the nail on the proverbial head when you mentioned that he seemed to be involved in altruistic endeavors - dog rescue. Narcissists will typically choose an interest that will feed their supplies, particularly in the areas of altruism. Their involvment in these activities is part of their emotional disguise. Every reaction is learned and every action is calculated, either deliberately or subconsciously. Their motives have nothing to do with "saving" anything other than their facade.

Often, narcissists will have very few (if any) long-term friends. If they DO have a network of friends, none of them will be gathered together in the same place at the same time, if the NDP has anything to do with it. I could never understand why my ex was so reluctant to entertain guests until I learned about their web of deceit. It is impossible for them to remember what they told each person and they understand that gathering more than a couple of people together at one time will spell disaster for their treachery. People will talk and they will be found out.

Your experience with the NDP sounds just like my ex! Almost immediately after I left him, he began trolling the internet for smart women, in particular, and would feed them the most outrageous stories about why I left him. He targeted accomplished and educated women, specifically, because it was the greatest high for him to tear them down. I believe, at last count, it was about 9 women that he damaged. And, his hatred of others is baseless - he has taught both of my sons to detest women, people of color, different cultures, etc. If they disagreed with his views, they suffered the consequences.

Good for you for recognizing the red flags and for not allowing yourself to become that man's supply! You might want to consider writing a series of articles on how you were able to identify the warnings, avoid the bait, and make a very wise decision for your Self!

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