You are right

It was a whirlwind romance in my case. We had been long distance internet friends for a while, but he became romantically interested in me only after he saw my picture. That should have been a clue. He asked me to marry him very early and inappropriately in the relationship, before we had even met in person. It was almost like he wanted to trap me before I figured things out. My intuition immediately told me something was wrong, but he had this whole other good and sensitive personality with so many interests in common I thought he was my soulmate.


He did lots of inappropriate and genrally disrespectful things that made me nervous. Like, the first picture he ever sent me was one taken in his underwear, lol! I remember being shocked, but then I thought guys will be guys, right? He also wanted me to send him similar (and worse) pictures of myself, sorry I'm not stupid! And he would always talk about how he loved slutty lingerie. And I would say, too bad, lol! Then he would say, of course, I like you for your mind and personality, yeah, right! He also made a big fuss because I wouldn't sleep with him on the first date and told me there was something wrong with me. I am glad I never slept with him, I never did trust him from the beginning because of how he acted. He just kept making me like him less and less.

Narcisists seem to have a public personality they use to make others like and respect them. His was that he did dog rescue. That is one of the reasons I was attracted to him in the first place and had a hard time believing what I saw because it was so out of character for such a "good" person. He would always show me emails from women saying what a good person he was for helping a dog, especially for a man, too bad all men weren't like him, etc. "See, I am a good person and everyone likes me, look what I do!" He would cry at dog movies. But, I don't think it was real, I remember him wanting to get rid of his puppy because he chewed his shoe, some rescuer! And when he met my dog, he said all the right things, but there was no sincerity or warmth behind it, it was more robotic. She was not his preferred breed, and she was a mutt. One day she came up to me for kisses while I was on the phone with him, and he got really jealous and angry. So I am not sure whether narcissists can actually care about someone or something else or if it is all just a cover. I guess Winkler's case is similar with him being a pastor.

I still feel sorry for him, because I know that something awful must have happened to make him like that, and he needs healing. I still pray for him. But I deserve better, and contact with him just brings me down. I have a male friend who says a man would never put up with it, he would dump a woman at the first instance of abuse, and would not feel sorry for her. He also at the outset told me to be careful, because he had asked me did this person become interested in you only after he saw your picture. And he was right, I just didn't want to hear it.

About the young girls dressing provocatively, they do it because they think it gives them power. They are not used to having power, being young and female makes you unimportant, so they don't know that real power comes from within. But, hopefully, they eventually find out that who they attract in that way doesn't respect them and is only using them and will quickly move on to the next victim when they get bored or they have a disagreement. It is a mistake of the young, a lack of sense of self. Maybe it's a lesson they have to learn.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I find narcissism very interesting, and wonder if there is a way to help them be whole. I think it has to do with how old they were when they suffered the trauma, that is the developmental age they get stuck in. Tweet