Re: Matthew Winkler....Narcissist?

I was wondering that myself.
When I first heard about the case, I thought she must have had some reason, and perhaps it abuse or else was he was molesting the child.
The sad thing is, if she had left him, he probably would have killed her. One thing I don't understand is why she didn't leave him early on at the first sign of disrespect. The first time he trampled her spirit, tried to dominate or control her, or make her feel lesser. Although, abuse can slowly creep up on you. I've experienced it, although not physically. They test you and see what they can get away with. The first time, you think it is out of character, you misunderstood, they are having a bad day (his father had a stroke), and you give them the benefit of the doubt. They apologize, and everything is wonderful, until they do it again. And the initial stages of love tend to make one blind. I'm glad I left extremely early in the relationship. Even then it caused me alot of stress. The key is they always blame you, and never take responibility for their own actions or their life.

The problem is, most people jump into bed before they really know the person. You have to really observe, how do they treat their family, how do they treat children, elderly, and animals, how do they treat people they think are beneath them, such as waiters, cashiers, maids, or people at work that they supervise? How do they react when someone cuts them off in traffic? Do they generally have a positive or negative view of people and life? Do they help strangers in need without expecting something back? How do they behave when they suffer a setback or disappointment? Are they generally easy going or do they like to be in control? Are they tolerant and respectful of others who are different (race, gender, disability, age, politics, religion, sexual orientation, hobbies) in general? Do they keep reminding you of some small thing they did for you? Are they high-maintenance (demanding? Do they tend to blame others for what happens to them? Do they like mean, negative humor and make jokes at other people's expense? When you disagree, do they do so respectfully? Can they reach a fair compromise? Do you feel comfortable being yourself when you are with them? Do they care for you when you are ill or have a problem, or do they trivialize your experience or even compete, my headache is worse than your flu? Do they seem relaxed and open, or nervous and secretive? Are they jealous and possessive? Do they try to limit your freedom, friendships, hobbies, education, and look down on things that are important to you? Do you both do about the same amount of work on the relationship? Are they overly interested in your physical appearance and sex, or how much money you make and what you own? Is it a man who thinks of women as sex objects? Is it a woman who thinks of a man as a cash machine? These are two sides of the same coin, and these women and men usually end up unhappily together becaue they are both superficial. These are all clues to what the person is really like underneath.

Mine didn't get along with his family, or his co-workers, and had very negative general beliefs about everyone, that was a clue. Americans are materialistic and superficial, all women cheat, black people are criminals, people who live in cities have bad values, etc. He would even make broad negative judgements about his friends based on a small observation, Mary gets her nails done, so she is a stupid and superficial person. I was left wondering, if that's how hard he is on his friends and family, how is he going to treat me? And after I talked to him on the phone, no matter how good my mood was before, I would always find my energy lowered. Another clue. He was sneaky and would give me lots of compliments, but there was always a mean dig in there somewhere.

In general, I tend to be careful of doctors, lawyers, or men that are religious as opposed to spiritual. There are too many religions that believe the woman is subordinate to the man, and the women tolerate it, so the men grow up without respect for women. And money and power tend to corrupt anyone who is not spiritually advanced. I know there are exceptions, but it's true more often than not. But there is tremendous range here. For example, I would stay away from a corporate lawyer for sure, but I would consider dating a lawyer that specialized in say, environment, animal rights, working with the poor, anything that showed he had a conscience.

I never thought about artists, I don't personally know any artists well, but I would have thought they would be more sensitive. Who knows? Interesting.


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