Re: Going to Court

You have my absolute support! I've been through the same thing and endured the same type of violence and abuse for about 15 years. Unfortunately, what we, the victims, must realize is that the "good qualities" that we fell in love with were not real, at any time. The abuser presents what he/she believes that a victim will want, mirroring our own likeable qualities as their own. As for being sorry? Puhlease - they are sorry that they left marks, but not that that they inflicted trauma! And, I mean down to the crocodile tears, as well. My ex used to shed tears, too. But, the suggestion of seeking joint/individual therapy was always met with, "YOU are the one on antidepressants! YOU'RE the one that's crazy!" and the cycle would continue. The only time that he submitted to marriage counseling was when I insisted that I was seeking a divorce. The counselor began meeting with both of us, individually, and urged me to get the heck OUT!

Not for one second can you allow yourself to believe that the perpetrator is sorry, nor must you allow yourself to have any contact, whatsoever. Regardless of familial history, let the Court handle this perpetrator and check out: http://www.heartlessbitches.com for more information on surviving. There are a number of other absoultely valuable sites out there, particularly: http://www.stoptheviolence.com

Best of luck to you, and, please - keep up with the posts so that we know you're okay.