Re: How important is sexual attraction?

Hullo,

Maybe it can help if you settle down and ponder what it is that you're missing and would like. You mentioned that the relationship has other problems, so I am wondering whether they have any bearing on this. That might well be the case.

Also, reading your message I got the idea that it made the equation Sex = Intimacy.
The fact is though that sex and intimacy aren't the same. For some folks, chemical magnetism doesn't happen in a stable safe situation, and requires some drama or conflict. (I know nice people who would not DREAM of having sex with someone that they love and trust, because they feel that all sex is betrayal or aggression. As one man told me, "I can only feel attracted to people I detest.")

That's an extreme example, and I'm not comparing your situation to his!
But sexual attraction is so complex, it can really contain a lot of elements.
What aspect of sexuality are you missing out on?
(That could really help you find options for meeting that need.)
Maybe you dream of feeling more listened to?
Or to be with someone who is physically very self-confident and assertive?
Or someone who communicates really well?
Or someone who is super-respectful and protective?
Or someone who is affectionate even in general situations?

It's good that you're thinking it over. This is an important issue and deserves lots of consideration and some good counsel.

Best wishes,
A

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