Re: Does God want me to choose between fulfilling my dreams and the love for my Mom?

Hey Cure-iousgeorge,

Its a tough one isnt it because you can never get that out of your system. It always comes back to haunt you, and each time it does it makes you feel a little sadder because, like you said, another year has passed.

First of all you have done the right thing by taking care of your parents. You won't regret being there for them and continuing to be there for your Mother - she's going to need you now more than ever. When she passes you will always have that - that you did that.

And so whats wrong with waiting a little longer to be in showbusiness? Not everyone made it when they were young - who says you have to be of a certain age? I take comfort in the stories of people who didnt have their careers made at 21, who had other lives before they came to be sucessful.
Is there anything you can be doing while you're with your Mother looking after her? Something local, something part time, something you don't have to devote every waking minute to? Maybe something that doesent film all the time...

Think outside the box - maybe things werent meant to happen in the conventional way for you?
While you're where you are, why not give lessons, be a teacher? Music, acting, dancing? It is a joy to pass on what you know, and always good to have on your resume ;)
Why not record your music at home, its very simply done with a PC and a good music software package, you can build it up over time to include all kinds of equipment, you can bring in musicians without the commitment of a band.

Is it the fame, and the recognition and the status thats really important to you, or is it the need to create, and to use your talents? It might be useful to identify exactly which aspect of it you have that burning desire for, and then concentrate on that - the results might surprise you.

I have struggled with this for a long time too.... strangely it all came crashing back into my thoughts yesterday evening when some old friends that I used to perform with showed me some footage of me performing at a show last year and it's stirred all of those emotions back up for me too.

My story (briefly so as not to bore you) is this; I'm a singer songwriter, and at the age of 14 or 15 started pursuing a career in the music industry. All was going well and I was writing prolifically, involved with bands and poised to take off, when I feel pregnant. I gave birth to my son just before I turned 19, and my music career was put on hold. Over the years various opportunities have presented themselves, some of them quite big, and I have had to let them go because my son was more important. I have always stayed involved in music, and sometimes I still write and sing and record and perform, but I am not free to commit to making it a career. Not yet anyway. This used to make me very sad and I often wondered 'what if....', but at the end of the day I know that I will always have the fact that I put my son first. I dont know if I could have lived with the guilt of neglecting him in favour of fame, or money, or celebrity or whatever.... everyone will be equal when we get to the other side - what you did for others will be more important than what you had. Thats what I think anyway.
Over the years my priorities have changed - now I'm back at college studying various therapies and healing modalities.

The desire is still in me though and I know it will never leave...
I have not given up on my dream, I fully believe that I will some day be able to grasp some of the opportunities... but I have had to work to come to terms with the fact that its going to have to happen a bit differently for me. And so maybe it will not happen for you the way that you thought it would, or were led to believe it should..... maybe theres something else you're meant to do first.

Don't lose hope. Its not easy, it makes you feel so sad sometimes and a little bitter too.... but attend to the important things first and you will really feel you've earned whatever comes later.

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