Firsthand account of NDE

I have read and heard much about near death experiences throughout life and it often angers me a bit because I have had two very close encounters with death and my personal experiences differ greatly from what I hear told. I hear about peace, light, tranquillity. With me it was the opposite. I don't know what the final, final destination is like. (That would be death. Total)My memories are violent, very agitated, VERY nauseous, scared. I only have a little room here for what could fill many pages of an essay. I'm not trying to "win" an argument or prove anyone else wrong. I can only share what happened to me. And it shook me up bad. It has totally reshaped my take on life. It is something to be treasured and not taken lightly. The end is something to be earned and not taken for granted. I feel that the reason I had these violent episodes on my journey towards the other side is because I don't deserve the peaceful transition yet. I had been valueing life and death in a wrong, foolish way. I was shown the hard way that I needed to change my values. I can't just go through life doing wrong and thinking "Oh if things get too bad, I'll just die and all will be fine and peaceful." I must live life in a righteous manner and then death will welcome me in a befitting way. I am not preaching religion here. Doing right, being the good person you aspire to be, not hurting others is good, whether you embrace any religion or not. I would welcome talking about these types of encounters with others very much. In detail, more specific, the reasons and circumstances. But since this is my first post I would rather wait and see if it's appropriate. Tweet