Re: Intimacy and marriage

Dear Christian Wife,

I thought I'd respond and hope I can offer you some encouragement. I'm 45 (female) and have been married for almost 8 years; my husband and I are both committed Christians. By the way, I APPLAUD you for sticking to your guns and staying pure. You didn't MISS ANYTHING! There's nothing you can't start learning right now, regardless of your age. You did the right thing. Don't listen to those folks who say you should have experimented. Hog wash. You can begin right now - you and your husband together. Remember: "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you."

Well, about your love life . . . do you realize that God invented sex? Yes, He put it on the map. And He intended for us to have pleasure in this area of our lives. My husband and I really enjoy making love, and we are open to various activities, providing that #1-they're not sin, and #2-we both agree.

You had many questions about your own female sexual response. Maybe I can help . . .

#1-Does a women have an cllmax from intercourse? I would venture to say that most women do not. Why? Because the clitoris is located in place above and removed from the vaginal entrance. So during intercourse, the penis doesn't come in contact with the clitoris . . . well . . . not directly. And it's direct clitoral stimulation that causes cllmax.

#2-What position can help? Here's what works most of the time for me. During intercourse, I have my husband move at more of a 90 degree angle so that the side of his penis can rub against the clitoral area. Also - I close my legs!!! This creates enough tension to cause me to have an cllmax. HOWEVER, before we get to this final stage, we spend quite a bit of time in foreplay. He rubs my clitoris with his finger and I guide him. Or he may perform oral sex on me. I also perform oral sex on him, but we usually stop before cllmax so that we can enjoy intercourse together. The point is, you will need much more constant stimulation than he will. You can also try various positions for intercourse and you can stimulate your own clitoris while he penetrates you. If he gets too close to cllmax - then stop. Carress each other and rub other areas. You can stop and go like this for an hour or two. In time you will learn to control all these things, and maximize your enjoyment, because afterall, God MADE our bodies to respond in these ways.

#3-As far as self-gratification . . . it may be good for you to try this. You can do it with your husband present, or simply get his permission to try it on your own. The idea here is that you don't want to "wear yourself out" and not have any sexual interest left for him. But you do need to understand how cllmax works. How do you know when you've had one? You will know. You can't miss it. You'll rub that area, or have him rub it, and it will start to feel very, very good, and you'll lose your breath, and then you'll feel a burst - and a release - and a warmth - and finally a relaxation. No, you couldn't MISS one of those . . . you'll know.

Well, I agree that this stuff is VERY personal, and not easy to discuss. But as a married woman, you have a right to understand every part of your own sexual response. So just work on it, and trust that you and your husband will learn to give each other pleasure, just as God intended.

Hope this has helped . . .
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