An Alcoholic answers

As an alcoholic I can tell you - NOTHING will work until THEY are ready to change. NOTHING. Nothing, nothing, nothing. No guilt trips, no pills, no potions, no herbs, no loving them till they can love themselves - NOTHING. Even being forced or drug to AA meetings won't work if they are not ready - in fact, it could well backfire and keep them away for years - or maybe forever.

Don't do that if you care about them at all. It's heartbreaking to see fellow alcoholics drug in by the courts or their families - closed off, scared, angry - and then gone as quickly as possible, swearing to never, NEVER go through that "crap " again. If they know an AA member, you might ask them to talk to them.

AA works - for millions, AA *works* IF you work it. It is a hard program of facing oneself and it does take WORK. To work it, you have to want it. It's that simple. Until they want it themselves FOR themselves, it won't work - nothing will. AA is not crap, it's not Christian or church or brainwashing - it gets branded those by people who got drug in before they were ready. It IS a lifeline, but it ONLY works when the person themselves is ready. Lost many friends back to the bottle, lost many more from this lifetime who got pressured into going to AA - They just were not ready.

Only the person themselves can say if they're alcoholic. Oh, you can see all the symptoms and signs, but telling them will fall on deaf ears. Only the person themselves can make that call, and only their own personal pain will bring it out.

SOME counseling and treatment centers work *sometimes* but they also only work when the alcoholic them self realizes they hava problem AND are ready to get sober. When the alkie finds Them. Not before. We have some not so kind names for *most* of the lot - money hungry parasites that prey on alkies and their loved ones (sounds a lot like some other form of medicine, eh?) - got one meeting where some 'escapees' call 'em "pre-morgues". The key again is, they have to be ready, and you nor no-one else on earth can *make* them ready. It has to be their choice and decision and their time.

Sorry, but there simply is NO herb or fix that you could mention in a "30 second elevator speech". None, zip, zilch, nada. The "magic pill" does NOT exist. Sorry to sound so blunt, but it's the truth. I've watched too many good people, good alcoholics, try wonder fixes - and end up back drunk. Some get so fed up after failure after failure of these promised "miracle cures" that we end up at yet another funeral. No matter what the marketing for any herb or product says, no matter what Aunt Ellen's nephew's friend swears by - trust me - they don't work. Alcoholism is a dis-ease of the soul as well as the mind and body, there aren't any magic pills for that.

If you truly want to help, go to an 'open' AA meeting YOURSELF. Listen, find the ones with some time sober, ask them face to face what you can do. Get a copy of the Alcoholics Anonymous book (The "Big Book") and read through it. If it's someone close to you, go to Al-Anon meetings. It helps 'earth' people learn how to live with us alkies.

Now, if you have that '30 seconds', when your friend is down, but not drunk, gently mention that you're going to an open AA meeting and invite them to go. You can mention some of the worst you've witnessed or that they themselves have told you, tell them you're worried, but Don't push, Don't drag, and damn well DO NOT PREACH. You'll lose 'em in a heart beat. If they seem at all interested, you can 'lend' them that big blue AA book you picked up, but only if they're interested.

It's the best you can do. Support them, be there to listen to them, but everything has to be their own decision. It HAS to be.

AA saved my life. Absolutely no doubt about it. But not until I hit bottom and was ready. Show them that there is an open door out through AA, but don't push them through it. When they're ready, if they ever are, they'll remember.





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