Re: Outside/Inside

Hi, Tracey

Yeah, I put my BD in your previous reply but it's 6-28-74.

Well, the story unfolds further......

I shared my dream with my counselor. Didn't have much time to talk as it was at the end of the session. But she said something that really has me thinking.

I already see that I 'disprove' of some of my eldests' qualities, like outspoken and totally rebellious sometimes. So maybe the dream is just bringing attention to my rejection of this. Basically, rejecting those aspects of myself.

But what my counselor helped me see is I AM REBELLIOUS. In fact this whole process I've initiated may be viewed as rebellious to the norm of conventional society. I don't want to live like everyone in a zombie state, doing what they've been told, not following their heart's passion. I want to have fun!

Doesn't that say a lot???!!! Ha.

But the curious thing to me is why would I reject an obvious part of myself, then? I guess that's the point - to bring it to my attention.

Maybe I feel like it's easier to stay in denial. It's a lot of work to change and it's sometimes hard to be courageous and stand up for yourself. And maybe I'm just secretly jealous of my daughter having those qualities already. This is really weird because I've never considered this.....maybe I'm just jealous of that it is such a part of her, yet I am just now trying to strengthen my voice??

Maybe I'm just jealous of her getting her way, and childishly, since I can't get mine, I don't want her to get hers? misery likes company?

This is all very personal but I think it's really helping to discuss. Some heavy stuff going on here and I want freedom!!!! My children bring up so much in me!

Since I was 'slamming' these aspects, do you think I am really that resistant to it? Or maybe the 'me' in my dream is my ego self, who is rejecting the aspects. That makes sense.

What do you think, Tracey? What do you see?

Thanks,
Lori