Re: What about yourself??

classy,
GOd is what has gotten me here o this point, i got saved while back, but i couldnt quit smoking, i tried, i hid it from my fiance and other people, i began chewing to try to help me quit, which is just as bad, i used to think, i can quit anytime, wel that is not a true statement, it is very hard to quit, i have always been stong willed with different things, and something i havent been, but this is one of the ones i havent been able to break.
Anyhow, one day i got out of the shower, and something hit me and said " I am going to get you" , this wasnt out loud and for some stupid reason istead of saying, i rebuke you in the name of Jesus christ i thought, well big boy come and try, I thought i was more in touch with god and that nothing could touch me, well I was wrong, this hs attacked me ith several different bacteria that we are usually abl to live with in and on our bodies, since then i have had several different problems with my skin, different places in my body feeling un normal, I fear it is cancer, or pre cancerous problems.
I have been to docotr after doctor, none of them have taken me serious, nor have screened or tested me for cancer, so i now fear it has spread and is spreading, I had been placed on stupid antidepressants though , and this is not the answer to my issue.
I had met the most wonderful woman in the world in my opinion , and we were to be married this past winter, but this has put my life on hold and i fear I myself can no longer hold on, if i dont get to see a doctor soon i fear this is going to get worse. i already fear i have cancer in my body but it the question of when it is going to be found, if it isnot already too late, I have done things in the past yes, and have repented time after time, but for some stupid reason its like when its a new day, i get up and do them again, not every day just every few days, thre i am back at the same things again. I have done nothng seriously wrong but i fear that these things have caused me to becursed by god, we all know we are in the last days, i am sorry for you readers but if you dont think so , look around us.
i just pray to god that somehow , someway he lets me get better and get treated so i begin my life with this woman and my son from a previous marriage and get back into church where i belong, there are so many things going on with me that i fear I am contagious. I had several dreams before this telling me, " you have peoples blood on your hands" and other things in my dreams. I do not have hiv or aids due to being tested twice once by blood and once by the swab so this is ruled out, the only thing i can think of is a staph or strep infection causing impetigo in my skin aka scaled skin syndrone or something.
I fear that my fiance has been sick several times here recently due to myself. I am so scared right now it isnt even funny. I was with her lst night and i told her if you get sick overnight i will know that it is me that caused it. I would rather go on that hurt her or my son. I know i would be hurting them by leaving, but id rather leave and end them being hurt than to still be here with no doctors giving a crap and hurting her, my son and my friends and co workers.