What about yourself??

You matter!! You are a person who deserves to be treated well by yourself! That may be a hard one to swollow, I've been there myself. In truth, all you have to handle is this one breath at this on nanosecond in time. Let God take care of everything else.

Instead of searching for an answer, which you don't sound like you have the strength for anymore (been there too), let God do the guiding. Choose a gift, talent, ability that you have total trust in. Mine is my instinct. Ask God to guide you through that choosen ability (etc.). And then trust. He WILL let you know what to do! He's done so with me, and I am improving because of it. The message will come through suddenly, and very clear. It will also be different then what you yourself usually think. It's odd, but it's not a sign of going coocoo! It's God doing as you asked, talking to you in the way you can hear Him.

In the meantime, Jesus is holding you up through your torment. He is caring for you this very moment. It is because you are in such pain and torment that you cannot feel Him, but He is there. He's always been ther for my mom, my dad, my brothers, and myself and He is there for you aswell.

In the name of Jesus Christ our saviour, be made whole.

God bless.