Hi, I don't normally read this forum but I felt led to do so...I am so sorry that you feel so terribly about your life. I'm not sure if you are a Christian or not, but I do know that this is not the life God intended for you. He has a plan for your life and he cares about you, He cares more than you can even imagine. I know that this might sound like jibberish to you, but it is the TRUTH. I am just speaking the truth in love.
Please get a Bible or feel free to ask me if you have any questions. I hope that you can be open to what I have told you!