"Also, it does make me feel quite dirty and ashamed, and sluggish…"
If you feel that way about touching yourself, you cannot expect someone else to enjoy doing it for you. You would become dependent and needy if a person could. View your sexuality as a very natural and healthy bodily function and a precious gift, then you will be much more desirable. There is one piece of advice western medical doctors give that I agree with. And that is "Use it or lose it!" with regard to sexuality.
Don't let the jelquing give you blue balls. Have an ogasm once in a while. But you don't need to have one every time you jelk or you will deplete your sexual energy. Are you taking any Iodine?