I need support...

Hi all,

I'm feeling very bummed out and I need all of your help and advice. I'm sorry this is so long, but it would mean so much to me if even one person read it and responded:

I'm 19 years old. I live with a Borderline/Narcissistic mother. Even though I'm aware that the things she says and does to me or tells others about me are measures of manipulation used to weaken me and continue exploiting me for attention--my father cried hearing a recording of the true side she shows only me and my therapist said she was "very sick"--I can't help but let the things she says fill me with fear, insecurity, sickness, and depression.
It's the night before my psychiatrist visit and--whereas for the last month she has not said too much on my daily 1/2/3 coffee enemas--she decided to tell me now that she was very, very concerned about me.
Now, it sounds like a normal, healthy motherly reaction, but my mother doesn't feel concern in the way normal people do. It's a shallow expression, very whiny and dramatic, used as a tool to put fear, guilt, and weakness in my heart. I'm very vulnerable to it. This tactic sets the stage for whatever opportunity my weakness would give her. In the case of my psychiatrist, my weakness would stop me from fighting for myself and allow her to receive attention from him tomorrow--yes, this is really how personality disorders work--and paint me as the mentally unstable daughter who causes her so much grief and who needs help.

Now, some background: I've had Depression and chronic fatigue for 2 years. I've also been bedridden for that long. In that time I never slept well; I had itchy skin; I had night sweats, nightmares, and constant groggy mornings and fatigue. I developed severe anxiety disorders--generalized anxiety, hypochondriasis, body dysmorphic disorder. I developed minor oral thrush and fungus under my toenails. I showed all the signs of an acidic, parasitized, Candidized body and never responded to antidepressants. In that time my mother has shut me out of the house for two months to go stay with my stepmother; she has recruited my aunt and another of her friends to sit down in a one-sided "intervention" for me, accuse me of being a "master manipulator" who has "absolutely no sincerity" and try to put me in a mental hospital to live out my days.

Now she is saying she's very worried about me and sending me pages of links to sites warning of the dangers of coffee enemas. She calls them "woo woo" treatments from "woo woo" doctors. My psychiatrist, who wastes no time in giving me toxic medications, will most definitely agree with her.
I thought I was going through a healing crisis. Every day I expel tons of parasites and Candida. I expel phlegm; my insomnia has gotten worse. I sleep a lot in the daytime. I sweat, especially at night. I cycle through various moods. My Depression has lifted very notably, but sleepiness has come to replace it. I have a lot of dandruff. I wake up with small grains of sand spread sparsely over my body. My skin itches a lot with the occasional eruption. It peels. I urinate a lot. The candida has begun receding from my nails and tongue. My preferences have changed--I've become more people- and culture-oriented, even if I'm not leaving the house much during this time.

But now, I don't even know anymore. It's been weeks of this. My mom pitched the idea to me that I'm actually getting sicker and I should have something to be worried about. She also told me that this is hypochondriasis, an obsession. She hinted that I'm addicted to coffee enemas and am in denial and... I don't know. I don't know what to believe. My mom puts the fear in me and I suffer. She HAS been buying me a lot of sugary treats, knowing that I'm on a restricted diet.

Am I healing? Am I getting sicker? Are coffee enemas dangerous? I drink a lot of water with mineralized salt. I put the salt in the enemas to avoid hyponatremia. Should I be scared? Is it all woo-woo? Do you have any stories of opposition from family members?

Thank you all SO MUCH for listening. Any contributions matter,
Dawn
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