Re: Survival for non-BPD individuals

I was trying to write a reply here and it deleted it-Bummer!!! I'll try to replicate it.

I just wanted you to know I completely understand where you are coming from. I had a very similar situation with a friend with BPD, although we were only friends for about 5 years. Everything you said spoke volumes to me.

I really want to be empathetic about this disorder, especially since I'm a therapist, and I think I am. But I think this can interfere with my right to state how much I was hurt and negatively impacted by our friendship I really did go along with it for a long time. I really tried to keep up with her. It just didn't work. You're right-they're the most selfish people of all time. I do understand the reasons for this, that just doesn't have to mean that I want to interact with it.

This person was loyal to me to an extent. But as soon as I breathed the wrong way or made the wrong choice or maybe prioritized myself or my husband instead of her, I came crashing down off of my pedestal. I don't think there's any chance in hell that she has ever sat down and thought "what kinds of things did I do that caused my friend to stop communicating with me?" I'm sure she has blamed me from here to high heaven for the fact that we don't communicate anymore. I'm sorry, but she didn't have any place in my life any more. Yes, it all culminated in one really bad night that escalated and became completely dramatic, but that wasn't even the issue. I could've gotten past that, sadly, I probably would've taken that lying down. But the combination of every one of her other horrible behaviors, like banging on the hotel room door on my wedding night and insisting she be let in, or screaming at me for hours because I was sick and didn't want to travel two hours to go somewhere with her, and accusing me of lying about it, had all stacked up. Never once did I ever get an apology for her behavior-that would've been too much.

I applaud you for what you're doing. I haven't had contact with her since January and I have to say it's the most freeing feeling. Good for you and I wish you the best. Tweet