Re: Survival for non-BPD individuals

I've been friends with a BPD for 22 years. When we were in Jr. and High School, I always thought she was faking, being dramatic, selfish and childish just to get attention - much like how a toddler would act. It wasn't until much later that I realized how sick she really is.
After years of chaotic behavior, suicide attempts and mis-diagnoses ... such as manic depressive disorder and bi-polar, her parents sent her away to McLean for intense therapy which they referred to as "camp". She went against hospital rules by engaging in a sexua| relationship with another patient and was moved to out patient. It was there that she was diagnosed with BPD and even though she was distracted with her relationship, she seemed better when she came home.
My situation is very different from most others because we weren't intimate. Although she would provoke me to screaming matches where I would yell at her "I'm not your boyfriend, stop putting such high levels of expectation on me". It wasn't until a few months ago that she told me in a fit and rage that the only reason she does nice things for me is because she wants me to like her the best and basically declare that we are best friends. Literally, I'm 33 years old and can't tell you how many times she has called me crying in the last two years.."why do you spend so much time with so and so and not me", "Am I just no fun to be around", "Why won't you come over to my house more". She suffocated me to the point that hearing her name makes me want to vomit.
I've done a lot of research on BPD. What I don't understand is when an intelligent, creative, passionate person knows that they have this disorder and they chose to not seek psychotherapy or learn imperative life skills to be a productive part of society. In this case, I think it makes her feel special..she doesn't ever have to have accountability for her horrific behavior because she's sick. Basically, she been handed a diagnosis that allows her to be a total jerk. And the people in her life are just supposed to accept it.
Well, I chose not to. I think that I've been a big part of the problem..I should have ended the friendship years ago..like after the time she burst into my house on Christmas screaming and crying..because I wanted to eat at Red Robin and she didn't, or the time I left Europe early while visiting when she was studying abroad. She followed me on the train and thru the airport screaming and crying. She's mastered how to provoke me and loves it when I apologize for mean things said. I suppose it validates her theory at the time that I'm evil, and will use my bad behavior as emotional blackmail until the moment quickly passes and she then decides that I'm amazing..the greatest person on the planet. I've finally realized that the friendship is so toxic and beyond repair. She won't leave me alone. She abuses the phone and email. I've resorted to stone walling, and now she's aggressively pursuing my inner circle of closest friends.
I am a firm believer that we have the power to make our lives better. I refuse to accept that she has crippling fear of abandonment and that her pain inside is worse than she could have ever made me feel. Where's the accountability? She sees other people have successful relationships. People either want to get better or they don't. Ya, getting well can be scary. Especially when one has had a license to be an a**hole for their entire life.

She was recently re-diagnosed Bi-Polar which isn't surprising considering how similar the two are, but She's spot on - to the tee BPD and I can't get her to leave me alone. I've called the police and they said it's not grounds for a restraining order because she hasn't tried to hurt me or put it in writing that she would like to.
The hardest thing for me lately has been trying to keep my cool. She makes my blood boil. I'm freaking out because I hear her name nearly everyday as someone tells me she's calling,visitng or making plans. Like a classic BPD, she only shows her true colors to certain people..so I end up looking like the crazy person because I'm so angry that she won't just simply go away.

She sees a psychiatrist who changes her meds regularly and doesn't make her see a psychotherapist. I think that's wrong. A good doctor would know that prescribing anti-psychotics and 60 Klonopin with 3 refills isn't going to make her better.
My point is this..I have to refrain from ALL contact and I don't know what she's capable of besides thoroughly annoying me. She has a sick obsession and it feels like Single White Female or Fatal Attraction. Quite the master of pushing and provoking in the grossest most manipulative way. I don't feel sorry for her anymore. I believe that she's intelligent enough to chose this life for herself. She is simply the most selfish person I have ever known. Tweet