Re: Damaged

Thanks again,

My first real relationship was with a guy who cheated and I left him . I was then married for many years to a man that was initially a good husband and father but over the years due to growing apart and his job being very unfamily friendly eventually we ended up existing and then splitting after 13 years together. At the moment I am not the least bit interested in a relationship, if that changes I can't imagine being so unlucky as to meet another mentally ill man and if I did then I would definitely not persue the relationship.

You mention your parents relationship and it made me think of my parents. My father has suffered from Depression for many years and has attempted suicide, been hospitalized and years ago even received ECT, after that he has been stabilized by medication. Possibly this made me more sympathetic.

My mother has had a lot to put up with over the years but generally I think they have been very happy together for over 50 years so probably again this influenced my misguided loyalty.

I think the common assumption people make about women who tolerate violent and or abusive men is that they are scared to leave or be alone. They think we all have let them convince us no one else will want us, indeed my ex tried unsucessfully to make me believe this. I really don't believe this is allways the case.

Regardless of everything that has happened I have still found the loss of the relationship very painful and still find myself upset at the thought of him alone and scared at the thought of going to jail again. I do not wish for him to go to jail because I know what he needs is hospitalization not incarceration.

It's all very very sad and such a terrible waste. Tweet