Re: Damaged

The latest is that my lawyer friend has taken over and is going to try and sort everything out for me hopefully I will get some money to pay for my dental and plastic surgery costs.

I don't doubt that having received significant damage to my teeth and mouth and having to finally admit that I can not be with the man I loved will have some psychological effect but at the moment I do not feel I need any medical help for that. What I need is finance for good plastic surgery and dental treatment. I was quite depressed for the first few weeks after this happened but am now feeling a lot better I am lucky that my friends have been really supportive. Personally I feel that this is normal given what has happened.

I was talking to a friend today who has never been on her own having married her teenage boyfriend, left him for another guy who she then left for her current partner. The partner is a football addict and gambles on the football daily, goes out every night playing gambling games. There is no financial loss he is a very lucky guy. But there is absolutely no relationship there as far as I can see. She goes out in the day while he sleeps and she is alone all evening unless she is out with her own friends. She admits to being insecure and certainly i wonder does she have low self esteem if she accepts this existence. I on the other hand had a relationship where at least 75% of the time, we went out to cafes and restaurants together, went shopping together, visited family together, went to the beach together, walked the dogs together, when he went fishing I would take my book and sit and read, I genuinely loved being with him and part of a couple. I guess a lot of the closeness was a result of the fact that as a typical BPD sufferer he has very few friends but the fact remains I liked being in a relationship where we were what I perceived as a real couple, I wouldn't last 5 minutes in my friends relationship. Certainly neither are right but I begin to wonder what is right?

Is it low self esteem that makes you want to hang on to a relationship that is so positive in some ways and makes you very happy? If you have a strong physical attraction to that person and you recognize they are mentally ill and want to help them is that low self esteem?

I am not saying that there could not be something in my psyche that made me tolerate things I shouldn't have tolerated but hanging it on low self esteem doesn't wash with me.

Thanks for the communication, its good therapy and much appreciated.



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