Re: Damaged

To me, it's a horrible trade off to put up with physical violence in order to have some fun times.

My father used to put up with my mother. She was verbally and emotionally abusive, and sometimes physically abusive. He never stood up for us kids when we were on the receiving end of her wrath. Instead, he would tell us not to argue with her because when we did, she would yell at him later.

One day, my husband and I were talking and I wondered why my father put up with this treatment. My husband said that for my father, there had to be a trade-off. My mother would wait on him hand and foot---even forcing me to do so. As my husband put it, that was a bad trade-off for my father. Yes, he got waited on hand and foot but, was it really worth it?

As for you getting counseling, right now you feel you don't need it---and that is your decision. Do you think that when you're ready to get into another relationship, you won't get attracted again to a man with the same personality? Would you be able to recognize those same traits in another man? And if you were aware, would you leave the relationship?

I understand that you thought you could help this man---and truly that's noble. However, you alone could never be able to fix him. That would have had to come from inside him. When you saw his dark side emerge, that was the time to leave him.

I wish you well as you heal. Tweet