Re: Why is being nasty instead of being nice pay off

The question of being nasty over nice is a limited and generalized statement. Being nice or bitchy is playing out an either/or patterning. It's black and white thinking. What does it mean to be nice or bitchy. These are generalization in behavior. So let's talk in generalization. Nice..are you a people pleaser, do you want everyone to like you, are you needy for recognition, do you need approval; these questions are important in answering to understand your intention of being nice. Every behavior and choice we make has an emotional component. Our emotions dictate how we are going to act. What we learned as children in relationship is what we act out as adults. What does it mean to be bitchy? If you watch carefully, the people who are bitchy are being bitchy to nice people. Why, because as stated above nice people are usually afraid, need attention, want approval and people pleasers and bitchy people are usually bullies, control freaks and/or want power over. Underneath they are insecure and learned how to get their needs met by being in control. Now these are the generalizations.

Most people do not have truly intimate caring relationships. In most relationships there is always power and control, thus nice/bitchy. If you are being too nice and can't even get the sales clerk to answer you, then you are collapsed and not being assertive in your needs.

Having assertion, boundaries, and inner self-trust, helps you to express your needs in a strong and believable way that people will pay attention to and respect. You don't want to get your needs met by trying to be too nice or too bitchy. There is a balance. You want to attract mature, expressive and realistic relationships. However in some cases being bitchy is needed if someone is assaulting, abusing or victimizing you. You have to meet fire with fire. Or sometmes being nice, which not a strong characteristic, but being warm, caring, compassionate is needed when someone fully has gratitude for what you are giving to them. It sounds like you need more information on relationships, behavior, emotional patterns and assetion skills. Read Shadow Side of Intimate Relationships by Doug and Naomi Moseley... Or go to my website http://www.martaluzim.com...lots
of free resources on relationship, creativity and healing. Tweet