You're dealing with something that I've had to deal with in my life for a long time and that is the programming from parents/church to "be nice."  It took me ages to learn that nobody's nice.  We are spirit dwelling in an animal and what we are learning to do is to listen to our animal body and respond to it as spirit. 

What would happen to me is that by trying to be nice and please others I was not pleasing myself and I was also burying my emotions (which leads to depression).  My emotions would generally erupt all at once on one minor thing in the form of anger and rage.  Then I'd get over it, bury the junk again, until the next eruption.  In the meantime, I wouldn't feel any emotions.  What I've learned to do is to allow my anger but to not throw it out at others while doing so.  Being angry within your own reality is a tremendous healing.  It's one way to allow yourself to be human while maintaining your sanity.  By experiencing your anger you can then experience love, joy, hate, and all the rest of the emotions that all of us have.  Hate is generally buried by fear, but we have to experience that too - and then let it go instead of operating off of it.

Yes, it is a continuing process to learn to experience and control all of my emotions.  In the end you have to be comfortable with and please yourself and if you lose friends in the process, so be it, they weren't really friends to begin with.  I've lost friends due to my life changes but I've gained some valuable friends too who are there for me when I need them.

Many times taking the path to respecting and honoring one's self can be a difficult road but in the end - you feel much better about yourself and the world around you.

Bless your heart.  You are too sweet.

The good news is that you realize the source of your reactions and feelings and it looks like you have it handled.  The thing is that it does take practice.  Sometimes it is hard not to react the way we do and to harness our feelings, as we are dealing with past hurts that have not been resolved.  And when the source involves our parents, which is very often, it is difficult because it very often was the first impression that we had as a child, and a child has no defenses.  All they can do is be on the receiving end, resulting in sadness, pain, and sometimes trauma.  And this contributes to the molding of our personality in a great way.  Yet, it can be overcome and healing is possible.  It just takes time.  Wounds of the soul are the most difficult to overcome.

As for nasty people.  People's actions and words cannot affect you if you don't let them.  Besides, those bitchy people are very unhappy or they would act differently.  Thirdly, a bad attitude boomerangs back on the person emanating it, the source.  So don't let it get to you.  Surround yourself with as many positive people as possible and let the bitchy be bitchy.  It's their choice, so let 'em have it.

As for relatives and situations that you can't escape.  Aaaaargh.  This is more difficult.  I hope you are not stuck in these situations often.  However, if the situation is severe, sometimes we have to sever those bonds also.  Your emotional health is what is important.  Maybe counseling would help you.  But if they suggest antidepressants or benzos, find another counselor.  Even with the relatives though, the same rule applies.  Let them have their anger, resentment, or whatever.  

All in all, you are on the right path.  I know, sometimes it can seem like too much and one can get discouraged.  But keep going looking at the positive.  You will find that you are undergoing growth and will attain new found strength of character.  But it takes time.

My Best to you,

Luella