hello kevan,
wow you've been to hell and back. its just not fair how some individuals have such hard luck. the good news is you are one strong and alive person. my advice to you is to try from now on, to lead a very simple life. get lots of sleep, read lots of good fiction, drink lots of water, eat a healthy diet all day long, preferably vegan (needs some studying to get it right, and its possible to eat deliciously too), walk daily in nature, find a passion, even it its 'just' a new and healthy way to live so you can survive and be happy again. from my heart i wish you the adventure of getting well again. most of all, leave all the chemicals alone. it might be a while till this simple way of living helps reverse the damage you've done to yourself, but this the only way to feeling good again. believe me. also here's a gift: go find the book THE POWER OF NOW eckhard tolle. bonne chance mon ami. chrysanthemum