different perspective

Hi there. I wanted to offer you something different than a lot of the attacks you have been recieving here. I understand those people are trying to help you also by offering their perspectives, and Im not attacking them. Maybe you need to hear lots of different viewpoints.

Before I say anything, understand that my viewpoint is coming from someone with very different opinions than most of the other people here. I dont believe in "forever" neccessarily when it comes to relationship. I dont believe in marriage and never plan to marry myself. I also dont even slightly believe in staying together for the kids. Ever. I think its wrong to do so, when you are unhappy with your partner. I know a lot of people here wouldnt agree with my opinions, but thats me, thats who I AM..so I just wanted to explain that.

It just sounds to me like maybe you have been with this person too long and maybe they are not really the one for you. You said this was your only serious relationship ever. Perhaps you jumped into having kids with this man too soon.

Either way, you have your kids and YOU need to be responsible for them. I honestly do not feel one person should be working while the other stays home with the kids. I say get a job for yourself, a career even. Something you would enjoy. If you want to be a stay at home mom, I dont think that will work when you are so unhappy in your relationship. It will just make you reliant on him. Figure out how to take care of yourself and your children, if he wasnt in the picture at ALL.

Then work on the relationship all you can. If you really want to work it out you could seek counseling. But I would have a way out if you truly want to leave. That takes work, saving money, finding an apartment and a daycare plan, seeking legal counseling for child support and custody issues if needed (and just because you are not married does NOT mean you couldnt get child support if you got the kids full time, contrary to what some said here). You need to do this work if you are serious about leaving.

Im NOT saying you should not work on it. I just dont believe in staying in relationships that make you unhappy. Kids or no kids. The best you can do for your kids is love them and have them in a happy environment. Mom and dad fighting all the time isnt good for that. Do what you have to do, but remember this is your life and you only live once, you deserve happiness. If this man isnt giving it to you, (even through no fault of his own, Im sure he buys you nice things but material things do NOT equel love and happiness).

If you arent happy, change something. I know it would be hard to put the kids through that kind of split, but you know what, life is hard. Your kids will learn that, soon enough. And they will survive, and be strong because they have a mom and a dad who loves them, even if they have to see them seperately.

Despite all my advice, I still say give it a little more time. See how you feel in 3 to 6 months. Work on things, hard. If you feel the same after 3 to 6 more months, with no improvement, make arrangements to leave. You and your kids will survive either way. Tweet