Re: weird feelings

out of control,she makes me feel out of control.I am a control freak and I like things,MY WAY or no way.I just figured it out (perhaps in my sleep sub-consciously?)
my mom gave me everything yet,when it came to love and affection it left me high and dry.I have always longed for it but never been able to get it correctly and it the end
I got nothing at all,i seem to have attatched this great feeling of longing,needing,
affection and LOVE with great feelings of pain and bitterness.Though my lusts reside
elsewhere.This girl makes me feel out of control when I am around her,I like it in a way because it means something,she is special,but then again- it also brings about the
giant shadowy monster that is the excess baggage in my psyche,revolving girls,sex,sexuality and love.

part of me is this innocent love struck girl crazy little boy,the other is a lust stricken,bitter,wounded ,heartbroken souless shell of a man.
):

I always seem to HATE and LOVE the ones I have the most feelings for,relationships
or friendships..

thanks for all the advice thus far,only time will tell now..