Rygar, if you are truly concerned about your emotional and physical healing and/or status, I would strongly suggest that you seek individual counseling with a licensed therapist and seek the advice of a nutritionist. There may be organic issues that are affecting your perceptions and choices that can be treated through nutritional changes, medications, and/or behavior modification techniques - ALL of which I've engaged in, personally. Of course, you have to make that choice - mine is just a suggestion.