my many fascinations..

well..here I am alone,on my bed..full from a late warrior dinner (stewed cow hoves,a steak) and just laying here mellowing and just collecting my thoughts on the current situations.For the past weeks,I have been crushing on some girls at work..

This one girl I have been crushing on,poor girl..a few weeks ago,I noticed her..then I noticed her some more and more and more,I eventually began making her blush with my looks and eventually she tried making contact..though then again..nothing but 'mad face' lol.Part of me just wants to be real brash and just grab and grope at her like a peice of meat but the other feels like I really want to hang out and get to know her..then grab and grope her like a peice of meat lol.real purdy lol.
(:
she seems to be real cool though..like a pizza and beer type of chick,what attracts me most in her is her genuine ability to express her emotions through her facial expressions..she is very expressive and has a real natural beauty about her,though she is like 25 or so,she seems real young..like 19-20.She seems like a virgin to me for some reason,maybe not but I bet she has only been with like 1-2 guys 3 at the most but I doubt it.I can sense it.She is magnificently beautiful in my eyes..classic good looks,could be a model.She is purdy but seems to be oblivious to her looks also kinda innocent.I bet the guy with tight enough game could get her wrapped around their little fingers..I can see it happening.

but still everytime she is near..nothing but 'mad face'.
Doh.

I try to force a smile but it looks soo contrived I'll scare them away more so then come off as friendly.

The other girl I am crushing on,real quiet and to herself,fantastic sense of style(hipster,alternative,funky)..real pretty and cute but more sexy.I love the way her hair is kinda messy though cropped kinda perfectly,like organized chaos lol.Long hair with bangs,like a chinese porcelain doll.I think I am going to say hi to her more and more,I know I said I was done with all this crap but I can't help it..I just like being near her and she excites me,partially because she is soo excitable on her own it makes me excited.I made her blush a few times but then..yeah,you know..
mad face lol.Intriguing is the best word to describe her. Though she looks like she has some skeletons in her closet,maybe an ex drug user,drinker,trouble maker..she looks like a p 0 r n star or a type of girl that would do p 0 r n.I have watched enough p 0 r nos to tell just by the way they carry themselves and their poise,I call it a 'whore-dar'.I love the way she walks,it's like her twat is directing her where to go and her hips gently sway,she merely follows.She excites me and I like the feeling.I do this thing where I tap her on the shoulder and run to the other side..when she turns around and sees no one,she turns to the other..and it's me!lol.I made her a paper origami crane,took me all night trying to figure it out.I like our little moments,her shoulder is very soft and her skin tone is very smooth and supple..I sometimes imagine how her tummy smells like or how it would feel to rub the side of my face against it..taking in her scent and soft smooth texture.
I can imagine being with her for the first time..the excitment,the butterflies..she seems like a really really really awesome lay lol. The chemistry cues me in on it.
she has a snaggle tooth,it's kinda cute..reminds me of the singer Jewel.



this other girl..engaged,real smart (alec),sharp very headstrong but a total fawking biotch.We butt heads ALL the time and she REALLY gets my blood boiling..though there is something about her,it seems like every morning she is horny or in the mood.I can sense the aura about her,don't know why but it seems like she is turned on in the morning - it's like we are on the same wave length or rapport during those times,but I fight it..she is such a little bitch!when my blood boils,my heart races and my fist clench..I hate the %¤#&!§-but in my mind I would like nothing more then to just grab the bitch by her hair,rip her clothes off and just ravage her and just have primal monkey sex til we are both exhausted.Don't know why I feel this way..I HATE her,though I can sense she is a very warm,kind and caring affectionate person.She has a very sturdy frame,yet flat in the titty area,her ass is bangin' lol..though I try to ignore it,I do take 'snap shots' in my mind for later usage lol.
gawd..she pisses me off soooooooooooo much..though the angrier I get the more attracted I get.I have spotted her candidly were it looks like she is very vulnerable,she looks really lovable and you just want to give her a big hug and just squeeze her.She also helped me out on my work without asking,though I appreciate it..it gives me mixed feelings like 'wtf?! on NOW you wanna help?'.I just want to yell at her at times,though sometimes I just want to grab her and passionately make out with her,she has sweet full lips lol..as much as they anger me with the words that come out of them lol.

She always looks at me but ignores me when I look at her,it's kinda annoying.We always argue about stuff ,we both think we are right,we always get our tempers up..i hurt her feelings she hurts mine..it starts all over again.I don't even try to be nice..I just avoid her,she even has the audacity to just walk right in my way cutting me off and not even saying anything.For some odd reason,we would be spectacular in bed together..i can tell she is a very passionate lover..she is just very intense and it's attractive..though god sometimes i want to strangle her.I seen pics of her finance.I think he looks like a don juan himself and will break her heart..I personally think he will..not sure why.I would as well..just to spite her lol.


there are a few other random girls that I notice but they get nothing but the 'mad face' just to avoid any contact with them lol.

this one girl in a different department..always in ours,she used to check me out all the time..I don't know how I can tell but I think I can tell when she is now,I would get this warm feeling like somethings come over me,I get kinda tunnel vision and I just feel warm all over..then I turn around and I catch her turning her head as if she was gazing at me or intent to my presence ,looking away when caught.She looks like she could have been one of those bikini models for calenders or local juggs contest or hooters waitress..she's real sassy and loud,real pretty face and trendy style,I can tell she is single and looking but not my type.She seems too..kinda like a sister for some reason,I thought she was older but we turned out to be the same age.I don't know what she sees in me..a co-worker of mine jumps out of his chair and chases after her everytime she leaves lol.She is attractive but not my type.

there are these other girls that I notice but not really pay too much attention to..a young spanish girl and a tall red head,real long hair..looks brainy lol,but real good looking.Also a young looking chick,real cute face and nice butt lol,though her looks are so decieving..she looks like she is 12...but when she talks..woah momma! she sounds like a woman! first time I heard her voice i was like ,geez! lol.she is hot but I ignore her.she is married and just had a kid about a few months ago,though you could hardly tell.

there is this other chick..works as a security,real nice face and pretty smile..I like the way she looks at me,her eyes have this certain gaze as we lock eyes when we say hi or our chance encounters.She looks like alot of fun just going by her presence.I made her blush too lol.

anyways..just wanting to clear my head,I know that was alot but better out then in right? lol..

as you can see..plenty of opportunities but that is still not the problem,the problem lays within my broken messed up no good excess bagged ego driven %¤#&!§-..if I could just get over whatever it was that was bugging me and just had a little fun,I would be alot happier..but then again,would I be really happy? well..it's better then what I am doing now..rambling on an alternative healing site at 1am..