Help Me Help My Friend ... Sweet Soul, Where are you?

The following is from a very old friend of mine (it is a collection of compiled emails he has sent to me recently) ... i have my hands full ... HELP!!!

This poor guy is being PLAYED! Help me help him please!

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I just got back from seeing my kids (14-11-7-4) my wife wants a divorce. 16 years down the tubs. She wants it I don't. I am a fireman for the Department of the Army. We live in Alaska, but I’m moving back down to AZ. I need to get away from this one. It is very hard to leave my kids, but I have to get fixed frst so I can be a good dad. I have tryed to do everything to save my marriage but she says there is nothing i can do to keep her because I am to controlling and want too much from her. I have been the one that makes all the money and i work 2 jobs so she could stay home. I wanted the house to be clean and the kids to do there chores. and when it wasn’t done I got mad. I wouldn't hit no one i just yelled but that scared every one (I’m 6’5) I only did it once in awhile but when i did it was not good. I also wanted to know where all the money was going.

I am not perfect but i never hit her i don't drink or smoke or do drugs I just wanted some thing done around the house, and wanted to know where the money was going. I been going to counseling for a year now to change me and make her happy. I have been a faithfull man my whole marriage. I think she is going through a mid life thing. I have done everything for her. Left my family, friends, bought her her dream home (three story on a beautiful acre) fancy washer and dwyer ... everything she has ever wanted and she is still not happy. I think she is lost.

I don’t want to leave her and the kids, but at this time I can't stay a way from her i just want to make it work - all my dream and hopes they were with her in my life.
sorry if i am getting upset. If i stay I will not be able to accept "it is over" between us.

It is justso hard yes i love her too much to let her go so, right now, for me it is all or nothing and I know that is not good for the kids or me but I have to get away to heal myself. That's why i'm leaving for Arizona, but i won't abandon my kids. I love them too much.

All i have ever been is carmans husband. I have allready spent a day in jail all i did was hold a door shut so she couldn’t leave and go to the bar and her sister that moved up here called the police. I have devoted my life rescuing others but I cant seem to rescue myself. all i want is to keep carman in my life I can't see it without her. I know what I needto do but I just can't do it. I have told myself a hundred times to just move on and take the kids (they want to come with me?) but i don't know. One day i am strong and tell my self i can live without her and then the next i just fall right back in that funk. To me she is my life. i am nothing without her. She got me out of a real dark spot back in 91 I was into drinking and drugs, and when i met her i had a reason to grow up. Went to school and got training. And now I provide well for my family.

I asked her one last time two weeks ago if she is serious about a divorce and she she there is no way we will ever stay together. It is over. I have done way to much damage. WE told the kids last week, and I moved out.

This past weekend was my son’s birthday. Carman was real nice to me. We got along good and everything was nice. But when the party was over, she got real mad at me and took off for the bar to get away from me and clear her head. I stayed with the kids at the house even though all my stuff is gone because I already moved out. I had to work the next morning and she did not come home until 830. I found out she has a boyfriend. She called and asked me to get a number off the nightstand written on a napkin that she forgot in her anger at me. But they are just friends.

We met with the mediator for our divorce Tuesday.

Carman found my phone by getting into my jeep and my back pack. And she saw the last 3 text you sent me. 1) Better day? 2) can you talk? 3) hope everything went well
and she said that since i didn't delete them that i must be fing you. so now she thinks that I am playing a game with her. I told her Brooke is the only friend I have right now, but you are a woman. and i shouldn't be talking to a woman. i told her that you were a old friend from school and so she thinks that i slepted with you in school (not that i didn't try - sorry). so she says that i must be cheating on her. I should have told her about you as soon as i started talking to you again. I am in so much trouble now.

And now she dosn't want to have any thing to do with me at all and she refuses to let me see my kids. She said If i was a good married man and husband I would not be cheating on her with some woman that knows nothing about me. Even if i am just talking to another woman that is cheating in her eyes even though she wants a divorce we are still married. I told her that a mother of 4 kids and a wife shoudn't be staying out at a bar all night but she says she isn’t doing anything wrong.

She doesn't like any of my friends or my family that live in texas. I told her that i didn't have any one to talk to here and she had her sisters and her mom and dad she said that thats not her fault.

She cried and said that she was thinking of just seperating for a year and then we could get back togther after I got all my problems fixed. For me to move away for now and then for me to move back and see what happens then. But now after this, i can forget that.

I just don't get why she would tell me about seperating for a year when I have asked her so many times if there was any way that we could stay togther and work this out?

We had been talking about all the stuff that has to be done to do this divorce with the mediators yesterday and I think it made her realize what it takes and maybe she is having doubts now.

I thought it was a good thing, but you tell me to wake up? So this is another game? You women are driving me crazy. I don't know who to listen to.

What do I do now?
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