Saturday, Sept. 15th: Starting FAST!! by lauray Blog entry

Blog: Lauray
by lauray

Saturday, Sept. 15th: Starting FAST!!

Goal is 8 Days

Date: 9/15/2007 9:11:16 AM ( 17 y ) ... viewed 2774 times

I just wanted to announce my fast on the forum. I am positive-affirming this fast and as someone else is doing journaling every 2 hours my feelings. I have thi sin a paper notebook but should probably post it all here -- that would be a great document.

I should probably do fasting affirmations every 2 hours too.

I should probably use this space to concentrate and doa real honest pros and cons list for fasting 8 days. People really change when they really examine pros and cons, I read.

Cons/Fears first.
Con: I won't be able to get high on food. No oblivion or comfort.
RESPONSE: BUT I WILL ONLY MISS IT FROM TIME TO TIME -- NOT CONSTANTLY.
RESPONSE: I CAN GET USED TO ANYTHING AND FASTING I WILL GET USED TO ALSO.
RESPONSE: THIS IS SUCH A DESTRUCTIVE AND SLEAZY OBLIVION AND COMFORT AND HAS DESTROYED YOUR LIFE. YOU DO NOT REALLY EVEN WANT IT!!!!! YOU KNOW IT IS WRONG!!!
EVEN AFTER A COUPLE DAYS OF FASTING IT IS STILL WRONG! YOU STILL HAVE THE DESIRE TO SLAM FOOD THEN - THOUGH IT IS DIMINISHED - BUT IN ONE DAY IT COMES BACK, IF THE FAST IS BRIEF, ONLY A 1 OR 2-DAY THING

Fear: I will get so messed up and fragile and it will take forever to be able to eat safely again.
RESPONSE: NO - what will happen is I will get well and it will not be scary, even if I go without food for a long time. I have recently experienced this.

Con: No relief, emotional release.
RESPONSE: SEE ABOVE

Pros:
Artistic Productivity
Financial Security
Willingness to Work
Reliability with others & honesty
Physical strength and my health back

Now I am going to inventory how I actually feel about starting this fast.
I am not really confident. I am getting the image of just quitting after 60 hours, the sort of minimum . Why try to do more? I am asking myself sadly.

I AM AFRAID TO TRY REALLY TO DO 8 DAYS

I DON'T REALLY HAVE A CLEAR PLAN FOR HEALING. WHAT HAPPENS AFTER THE 8 DAYS? OR THE 60 HOURS? WHAT IS THE PLAN? HOW WILL I STAY WELL AND

I DON'T EVEN WANT TO BE WELL. IT IS SCARY.

Oh, God, I am too tired to finish this inventory. I want to try later. I did not sleep last night, not enough. I kow I shoudl rsolve this. I seem to be in a process of getting0ready-to-fast. And it seems Ihave to build up alot of readiness to feel really committed.

I am going camping tonight and so this is a great distraction and will get me through at least the first 2 days.

Then day 3 is going to be a problem. I DO NOT want to tell myself that. I think I jsut need to tell myself: no! Day 3 is going to be SO EASY! I am going to WANT to fast 8 days. Of course I am going to do it.

But I just do not feel this. good for me knowing adn admitting how I feel. But how can I get out of it? how can I really decide to fast?