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day 12 now, actually day 13 as of midnight 11 y
i need to figure out how to commit PERMANENTLY to my BGLO9 diet.
it has just become day 13 of food sobriety
lots to say
biggest thing is making the move now to clean up my diet all the way
i am in search of a truly viable ice cream substitute that doesnt involve bananas since that is too heavy a food to be included in my permanent diet. and for gods sake most of allsome way to stop needing the ice cream experience
how will i ever figure out a substitute
and the biggest thing also is: just seriously committing to and not falling off of the truly sober diet
truly sober diet is nonstarchy nonfatty sprouts and then fruit/veg 9 cal per oz o ... read more it's day 7 now, almost day 8 11 y
PLAN for permanent diet cleanup
hurray
i have conviction
my goals are necessary and valid
this is the key
this conviction
i need to really articulate all i realize about that.
i have a permanent diet cleanup plan
3 weeks
3 stages
at end of 3 weeks i will have achieved permanent adherence to BGLO 11, i.e., bitter green living only diet (bitter sprouts nonstarchy ones) plus any fruit/veg of 11 calories per oz or less.
THESE ARE THE LEAST PROCESSED FOODS
OTHER FOODS EVEN IN THEIR NATURAL STATE ARE PROCESSED SINCE THEY ARE PROCESSED BY NATURE ... for example a tree puts the bud or starting eleme ... read more April 5, 2013: 6 days now of food sobriety, and first Fast 11 y
figuring out further food sobriety
food sobriety is: 1100 or fewer calories per day,
and
raw food only
today will be day 6 of this.
started march 31st, easter day.
I need to fast weekly 1 day per week.
I will incrementally increase the lengths of my fasts. i’ve succeeded this way previously.
i am committed to the low calories per day and this is the key to my basic/minimum-level well-being. this is a real accomplishment.
my real healing will only come with fasting.
i must and will achieve a 40-day fast annually.
Real sanity will only come with a committed abstinence from food that is in ANY degr ... read more Mon.3/25: Compulsed to Eat, Though Eating IS NOT OK WITH ME 11 y
The misery of being compulsed to ete. Not being respected or supported to REFRAIN FROM ETING
Needed to note that I have this chronic condition and I am in it now and IT IS NOT OKAY WITH ME
HOW can I EVER stop acting like this? -- Being MISERABLE and KNOWING eating IS THE WORST MOST WRONG MOST HORRIFICALLY SELF-VIOLATING THING I COULD POSSIBLY DO and yet still being compulsed to go through the hideous charade of going to the store . Getting fude. Slamming stuffing it into myself.
My drug dealers, the stores, MUST know how I feel
THE F U C K I N G NIGHTMARE of it all is that they would just SIT there and F U C K me telling me I had to be FORCED to ete -- that ti wasn ... read more Monday, 3/25, Day ONE food-sober. But not yet fasting: WHY? 11 y
trying to figure out why I lose fasts. I get miserable and eat. I need to UNDERSTAND THE MISERY DEEPLY AND RESOLVE IT
this post is supposed to be an analysis of why I fell off my fast last night and just before midnight ate 1900 calories’ worth of processed fude.
I had lost a fast after 54 and 1/4 hours and decided , well, i will jsut fast again. 60 hours this time.
What made me lose my first fast?
shying away from this question
I want to narrate my whole recent story of day counts and trying to get into fasting
Right now going to figure out my exact calories ingested the past few days and write it in my fude notebook, it’s just been noted in my regular notebook (agenda and to do lists) visit the page Monday, March 25th, 2013: It's Day 1 of My Food Sobriety 11 y
a prayer to stay food-sober now that i am food-sober
as outlined in previous posts:
800 calories a day
raw, fresh, whole, LOW-CALORIE-DENSITY foods ONLY
raw unprepared fruit/vegetables of 11 calories per oz or less
and/or
raw nonstarchy non-oily living green-colored low-calorie-density sprouts.
That is it
no salt, spices, juices, or condiments
I have been suffering hideously on processed food. I am in such an unhealthy state it is urgent for me to stay all raw as above FOR LIFE
at the same time i don’t think ppl get motivated by urgency or threats. And it seems really important I understand this chang ... read more The Fear-/Shaming/Discouraging Voice Says I Can't Change Yet 11 y
Starting to tackle the problem of my Resistance, & My Feeling of UNREADINESS to take on the "FOOD-SOBER AND FASTING" way of life
Need to write about this.
i so need to write about everything I have gone through in the past several years and tried to get support for on these forums.
Also.
What I mean when I say the fear-voice is: that feeling that says: wait. i ... don’t feel ready to commit to this new diet or this fast...
Part of this voice says some very ugly things. These are the echoes of people screaming at me, shaming me for being ... in control?
Telling me my control was not real, valid, or acceptable?
Making me feel I had to earn the ”right” to be in control as I wished to be, and that TH ... read more My New and Better-, More-Strict-Than-Ever Food Sobriety 11 y
My Diet, Committed, FOR MY HEALING AND HEALTH
I’m committed to whole, fresh, LOW-CALORIE-DENSITY raw foods ONLY, unprepared in ANY WAY -- not even cut up by someone else. For the past 2 years and 10 months I have repeatedly had bouts of eating processed food. I have been UNABLE TO STOP. I have sworn it off many, many, many times. Part of the purpose of this Blog is to write about my commitment to this raw diet. I am committed now because of my health.
(***edit note: Resistance arises here! I don’t want to be committed! This is terrifying. I have to work through this. I need to believe that these things can be worked thro ... read more Started the 2nd Fast the Next Day,Sun. Ate 1174 cal for Sun. 11 y
Fasted 54 and 1/4 Hours, from 4:40 am on Thurs. 3/21/13 to 11:04 am on Saturday, 3/23/13
Dates of Fasts are:
Thursday, March 21st to Saturday, March 23rd, 2013, First Fast...
First Fast was 54.4 Hours: from 4:40 am on Thurs. 3/21/13 to 11:04 am on Saturday, 3/23/13...
and...
Second Fast was/will be.... Sunday, March 24th to Tuesday, March 26th, 2013...
THIS FAST IS GOING ON AT PRESENT:
This fast began at 12:33 a.m. on Sunday 3/24/13 and will NOT end BEFORE 12:33 pm on Tuesday, 3/26/13. It is now 3:12 pm on Sunday, 3/24/13.
REVOLTING not to be taking a 40-day fast but I have to work through my RESISTANCE to this. In following posts. I really believe I ca ... read more Lost the First Fast on Saturday. Ate 1518 Calories for Sat. 11 y
headline series
************************************************************** visit the page And I am Here on This Blog to Figure Out Why I Lost the Fast 11 y
headline series
*********************************************************** visit the page I Lost the First Fast, of 54 and 1/4 Hours. I Lost it. 11 y
part of headline series
************************************************************* visit the page And Now I am Fasting 60 Hours 11 y
par of headline series
First I Fasted About 54 and 1/4 Hours... 11 y
part 2 in headline series
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********************************** visit the page In My Re-Entry into Food-Sobriety and Fasting... 11 y
part of a series of headlines
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************************** visit the page More Expression of Rage 11 y
f u c k e r s. on these forums. I need a SAFE PLACE to get into enough openness to work through my stuff -- dammit!!
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu ggggggggggggggggggg hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! visit the page I'm Fasting 60 Hours Right Now 11 y
getting .000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001% of my RAGE at these c u r e z o n e forums out with a page full of expletives
I have written several blogs here.
I have just skimmed them all.
I had REALLY important things to say and work through and no one f u c k i n g helped me.
F U C K. YOU. F U C K I N G. ALL -- F U C K . EACH. AND. EVERY. F U C K I N G. SELFISH. F U C K I N G. BRUTAL. F U C K I N G. ONE OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am crushed and devastated by the brutality with which I was treated on the water fasting f o r u m in about 2007. How this basically ruined my life when I was so fragile. F u c k i n g. F U C K E R. F U C K F A C E S. F U ... read more |