Blog: Lauray’s Success in Annual 40-Day Fasts Blog: 2013
by lauray

Mon.3/25: Compulsed to Eat, Though Eating IS NOT OK WITH ME

The misery of being compulsed to ete. Not being respected or supported to REFRAIN FROM ETING

Date:   3/25/2013 2:51:49 PM   ( 8 y ) ... viewed 4483 times

Needed to note that I have this chronic condition and I am in it now and IT IS NOT OKAY WITH ME

HOW can I EVER stop acting like this? -- Being MISERABLE and KNOWING eating IS THE WORST MOST WRONG MOST HORRIFICALLY SELF-VIOLATING THING I COULD POSSIBLY DO and yet still being compulsed to go through the hideous charade of going to the store . Getting fude. Slamming stuffing it into myself.

My drug dealers, the stores, MUST know how I feel

THE F U C K I N G NIGHTMARE of it all is that they would just SIT there and F U C K me telling me I had to be FORCED to ete -- that ti wasn't even Ok for me to RESPECT MYSELF AND NOT ETE

i will be getting sober fude today but it is still RAPE

god d a m n it f u c k I mean why is life so miserable? This is such a trap of helplessness. This is such a terrifying MISERY . To sit here COMPULSED to ete, and UNABLE to honor myself by refraining from eting.

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