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Post for Weds., Sept. 13, 2007
Review of Food SLamming and DElving into SAdness/Negativity about next fast, and Logistical considerations.
Date: 9/12/2007 9:34:18 PM ( 17 y ) ... viewed 1870 times sh*t, wrote one hour and lost post.
f*ck.
Story is: slammed but only 1200 cals today.
Have terror and can't get positive to do next fast.
Weekend trip rock climbing interfering with fast -- not physically or with danger but socially having to conceal my fasting.
Want to stop being compulsed to eat before bed time ... body cannot handle food... yet I feel entitled to x number of cals per day... so toxic... have to change this thinking... have to learn to wait long times for food if necessary ... have to WAIT overnight instead of feeling oh the day is over and I have to eat NOW or else wait until morning god forbid... have to respect my inability to handle food.... HOW? ... FAsting returns me naturally to the state of being willing to be food-sober in this way.
I have not bloated since Sunday... but in a bad wrong way... by eating all-protein-no-carb-no-salt dairy (yesterday)... this beats up the body I tthink so the body cannot even give a bloating response, protesting eating when it cannot handle food. i felt the beaten-up feeling from eating that. horrible.
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