Hi I have been following your posts for several weeks now...I am sorry that your life is so painful and confusing to you. I think that you have a fair amount of animosity and lack of trust...it must be a horrible place to be. I understand that you are frightened.It seem s like you always expect the worst...like the rock climbing on Sunday. How do you know this guy won't be supportive?Also,if this is a "not Nice "guy why are you going with him at all?Why waste your precious energy like that? It seems like you are lonely and maybe that is the reason...but you need to be comfortable with yourself...why are you so down on yourself?what happened that made you like this?I think that people genuinely tried to help you and you became defensive...that is very telling.You want help...start to accept it.Relationships are about give and take,learning from each other,nurturing a friendship,trusting and truly caring about someone else...putting someone else before yourself.I am praying for you...it has worked for me.Sometimes"we are what we pretend to be."Somedays I have to "pretend" to be happy...the positive vibe alwys brings back positivity and good will...I ens up with a measure of peace and happiness.There has to be a willingness to change. You have identified your problems,your pain...are you willing to make the next move...CHANGE.It is scary and unknown but you have a choice be miserable or learn how to be happy...it requires a give and take an openess to suggestion a commitment.It is the summ of small actions and kindnesses throughout a day.At the end of the day is there are more small victories than failures you begin to change. It is a hard but rewarding process. It involves giving people the benefit of the doubt.Be well my friend...it is a choice...YOURS.
Tess