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Today is a Really Weird Day
I'm feeling a bit off, but can't really say why.
Date: 9/8/2006 12:05:56 PM ( 18 y ) ... viewed 3104 times I absolutely feel terrible today. I’m dizzy and queasy. Saliva is collecting in my mouth. My boobs hurt. Yesterday my throat was sore on the right side and I had a sty in my right eye both of which are still tender. I’ve been nice to a chick on my job that normally I can’t stand. And I want to punish my previous church afresh. I can barely watch TV without bursting into tears. My feelings are all over the place. Sounds hopeful right? Wrong. Every month, right before my cycle, I get phantom illnesses. My lower back is ridiculously sore and I’m bloated like you wouldn’t believe.
I’m trying not to get my hopes up at all. (*whisper* But I can’t help it!) This would be the first month of “on purpose” trying. Who gets pregnant on the first try? Plus My Guy was experiencing a little stage fright. I’m glad he doesn’t do the internet, because he would be too embarrassed the way I’m telling his business.
I did have a vision this morning. It was around 5:30 am (est), I was in my bed, half asleep. An image of a beige-pecan, fat baby that looked like me with My Guy’s eyes was breastfeeding from me. I couldn’t tell if it was a boy or a girl because of the way I was holding the child. I heard My Guy in the back laughing and acting boisterous like he does when he’s tickled. I could feel the child’s weight. I was smiling and looking into his/her eyes, I could feel joy (Joy is a pretty name for a girl, isn’t it?). The difference between a dream and a vision is that once awake with a dream, I can’t reclaim it. A vision will allow me to go back and forth and interact on my own terms. That’s what I did for about an hour. I’m sure of what I saw.
I had a vision of a child before. An older girl, but she didn’t look anything like this child except she was chubby (those are my genes). She looked like my father.
Another freaky thing is, I can’t get enough of My Guy’s scent. I mean I want to be near him all the time. I know I said we broke up, and I mean that, but when he comes to the house for… I don’t know why he’s been coming around… anyway… I have to smell him. Sick, I know. Anyway…
If my cycle doesn’t come by Sunday, I’m testing!!!!
Keep your fingers crossed.
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