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The Waiting Game
Written today
Date: 9/5/2006 8:11:04 PM ( 18 y ) ... viewed 1907 times I'm all caught up transferring the majority of my blog to this site. I'm hoping you find it enjoyable reading while I'm over here biting my nails and over-analyzing evey little noise in my pelvis.
I'm hoping every minute of every day that I'm pregnant. I watch what I eat. Refrain from alcohol and smoking. All in hopes that I am "with child." I hate that there is no way to know for sure. Say I'm not pregnant, then I have denied myself for no reason. And I am NOT big on self deprivation. If I'm not pregnant, I'm going on a binge.
I don't feel pregnant. I don't feel not pregnant. I don't feel like anything. My period is due on Saturday. I don't feel PMS'y. That might be a good thing, I'm hoping. I know the mind is a trip. It can make up anything that it wants. It knows I want to be pregnant. Since I've been reading the books and such, it knows how to mimic the signs and symptoms. Anywho...
Me and My Guy broke up for real this time. Over something absolutely silly. It was something he said, and differently, the way he said it. The weird thing is it feels very clean to me. The last time we parted company, I thought about him all the time. The only reason I mention him now, is because it seems pertinent to this blog. I hope I'm pregnant so I don't have to go through that %¤#&!§-again with another man. I want a man, but a man who is a practicing man, not crazy, and who wants me. Don't misunderstand me. I want this baby regardless of whether or not My Guy stays around to co-parent. The baby, not a relationship is my goal.
I know this is isane and I'm probably being compulsive, but I have already begun shopping and preparing for this child's arrival. I've planned the room and all the accessories. I want to get started on making blankets and pillows, but that will have to wait until an actual diagnosis.
Bring on the Baby!
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