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bowen technique - not finished yet
1st bowen technique session log
Date: 12/7/2005 8:16:31 PM ( 19 y ) ... viewed 3881 times first session thursday 12/1/05
bowen technique is like the energizer bunny of healing! just wind it up and watch the body release trauma! after seeing what happened after the first session, i truly believe it can cure anything.
day 1 12/1/05 thursday - went for the first bowen session. i was really scared to go, had cancelled the appointment once, and really didn't want to go the second time either! i just went because i was embarressed to cancel out. well i'd spoken with the therapist in advance about just doing a few moves. she did.... calves, thigh, kidney, top of the shoulders, and the neck.
the first move she did was the kidney move. immediately i felt itching, and a release through the root chakra. she left the room after doing the kidney move, came back and did the other ones. i felt very relaxed in her office for all the moves, except for the neck move. when she ran her fingers across the neck muscles, i felt very uncomfortable... lasted for just a few moments and then it was gone.
that evening, all hell broke loose. i started crying, shaking, couldn't move my neck at all because the slightest movement made cry. that night i saw little black globules, the shape of round clouds, but with a hard consistency, leaving my body. they were flying off in all different directions off the front of me. i didn't get any sense of them being connected with any organ.
day 2 friday
i woke up friday and i truly wanted to die. i continued releasing the black balls. i felt better during the day. i could move my head better without as much sorrow, so i thought 'going in the right direction!' but early afternoon i went to another bodywork appointment, this one to move bodyparts back into position. afterwards i noticed a sense of confusion that came from the body, but i felt fine, went to eat, felt fine. then i went for a walk, and when i returned, i realized that my muscles just weren't available to me. well this has been my problem all along ever since elec/lat/pre, my muscles haven't worked and my body hasn't been stable. so all this time i couldn't use my muscles to make strength, i'd go to move my arm for example and my shoulder bone would move out of position.
after going for the walk i continued to shake, my pulse was erratic. i could still see the black balls releasing but they were now warped, not exactly circular. couldn't move my neck at all and cried for real when i tried to move it.
day 3 saturday - sunday
talked to nancy my healing partner (sounds better than saying 'my healer') who said the black balls were fear coming out of my muscles. she said the body work session session warped the release of the fear but didn't stop it.
she'd never heard of the bowen technique before, but she said, 'what i get as i'm reading your body is that the trauma is unwinding, using sensory pathways to free the trauma. basically, reversing the injury.'
basically my life was completely interrupted by this session. i couldn't even take herbs that i usually take every day. nothing.... no saunas, no listening to healing tapes, no walks, no herbs, no homeopathic remedies. basically i couldn't do anything except lie down and experience this release.
then i noticed these white balls releasing, they had a divider in them, not really divided in half, more like a christmas ornament with edges of a piece of paper sticking out the middle of them. i didn't realize what they were at the time.
still lying down listening to my erratic heartbeat. then i started seeing bones.... bones in my neck, bones in my shoulders. i was looking up at a 3d picture of them, looked like a 3d ex-ray.
then i saw this thing, an energetic structure, fall out of my neck bones. it moved down my spine and i felt a big *woosh* as it went out my root chakra. shortly after i saw another energetic structure move out of my neck & shoulder area. i lost track of it for a moment, and wondered where it went.... then i felt it move out of the root chakra as well.
also noticed that i had a nervous tic in my neck. every few minutes muscles in the back of my neck would kinda quickly bounce, and my neck would move alittle to the right or left (either side) and then it would come back to normal. i used to have this symptom, so i wasn't real thrilled to see it back!
also got a new symptom. you know the way that a heart monitor looks, with the little blips every few moments, and then a big blip when the heart beats? well each normal breath was like the little blips, but every 8th breath or so i'd get a *big* blip, where the tinnitus would go really loud for a minute, and i'd feel this big rush of energy. then quiet for a moment.
one time when i felt one of these big blips, i got an image of a completely severed coax cable.... a black outside with copper wires inside, only the copper wires were damaged and cut on the ends, burned. there was no connecting wire on the other side hooking up!
also had a vision of a baby, a newborn. and of sharks swimming near it. when i was a child i had a dream that i was in a high lifeguard chair swimming in a pool above catfish (scary catfish). i never forgot the dream and used to have a catfish scarf that i could never throw out. also i have been very scared of sharks in my life (thank you, movie 'jaws.')
by this time i was noticing a few things - every thought hurt. i realized for the first time in my life that there's an obsessive compulsive component to my personality. anything sensory hurt at all, as a matter of fact. i couldn't put the fan on because it hurt my ears. even someone shoveling out their car from the snow hurt my ears. my eyes, same thing.
sunday morning i woke up wanting to die. very clear feeling of this. i felt it all morning, in fact it had really been a theme since the sessinon.
i was up to taking a little walk, couldn't walk on hills, that was too energetic, so i walked a bit in a mall. also i drew alittle. in my whole life, whenever i've drawn i had to keep music on in the background, otherwise i couldn't pay attention to my picture. but for the first time, i couldn't have any music on... it hurt. but the surprise was that i could draw, it was no problem to pay attention!
took many naps. my symptom has been this physical instability, i'd be moving and i'd hear pops, clicks, and then there would be pain - NOT FINISHED - DESCRIBE HOW I'D SEE THE PLACE THAT WAS ABOUT TO MOVE OUT OF PLACE NEXT
still every thought hurt, i realized how in a rut i am, always thinking about when i'm going to be well, never going to be well, etc. what i realized from this is that the bowen technique is addressing, or beginning to clear/cure, the obsessive-compulsive part of my nature.
each time i laid down, i felt better before lying down and worse when waking up. the day after i woke up wanting to die, i woke up and asked god for some help. some peaceful calming energy came in, and then i fell back asleep. when i woke up i had this thought that i might still have a few years of being ill. then i noticed the white balls leaving, and i realized they had to do directly with wanting to die.
monday
this was the day i noticed the taste of trauma leaving my body. i've worked with healers long enough to know that taste! one side effect of having my head electrocuted is having over-defined or symptoms associated with all the senses- tinnitus in the ears, eyes that blink uncontrollably, over-defined sense of smell. (if i were a comic book hero i'd smell the villians :-) and taste too. this whole experience has been one bad taste after another.... couldn't taste the latex going in but i sure could taste it as it released.
the first time i tasted traume was during a healing session with michele, where some brain-nerves in the muscle memory part of the brainstem (yes, we got very specific!) were coming back online. i got this horrible taste in my mouth, and i thought it was toxic stuff that was releasing, as usual. and to my surprise she said "no, this is the chemistry of trauma releasing from your body." well i was overjoyed, and the beautiful part was that these chemicals didn't make me weak like the synthetic chemicals i needed to release.
anyway back to the bowen - this chemical trauma release has continued for the next few days. (today is wednesday and i am still tasting it).
so i thought, well this is good. during my energy healing sessions with nancy or michele, it always works the same way. trauma of some type leaves first; be it emotional, past life, or physical (which included that trauma taste when we worked in the brain). sometimes the trauma is connected to structures, like the ones i saw. i was thrilled that so far the bowen was addressing 2 things - physical trauma release, and emotional release, as in the wanting to die and feeling like i'd never be well. (wanting to die sure could get in the way of getting well!)
wednesday -
woke up and noticed that i had NOT FINISHED - DESCRIBE HOW THE NERVE POPPED THROUGH THE CLOTH AND WIGGLED AND THEN HOOKED UP
have noticed that i am back (or still in) obsessive compulsive thinking but now it doesn't bother me as much :-) actually nothing hurts as much, ears, music, the fan is back on.
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