Day 28 of my post Water Fast by Sacristia Blog entry

Blog: My Health Journey
by Sacristia

Day 28 of my post Water Fast

My daily Journey to a healthier life style

Date: 12/23/2010 10:13:48 AM ( 14 y ) ... viewed 28142 times

December 22, 2010

This morning Lammy started pawing me around 5 a.m. I wasn't ready to get up yet, so I just ignored her and rolled over. Finally when my alarm when off at 7:00 a.m, I looked at her and she just jumped up and was ready for lovings. I laid there for a while, and thought about Phil and how he was doing. Part of me wanted to text him and wish him a good morning, but I knew he wouldn't enjoy it. He never was a morning person. I then wondered if he missed me. I wondered if his stress level has been down since he moved out. Was he happy? I can't help feeling this way, because I do miss him. I am sure my mother wouldn't be happy to hear me say that I miss him, but it is my heart that hurts not hers or anyone else. I know in time that it won't hurt as much. Right now I am just very hurt and disppointed in the whole failure.

I then remembered a book that I was starting to read when Phil first moved in. I never got far in it, as my mind and heart was distracted by Phil and his son. For a short while, I was happy and forgot the reason when I was reading it. The book was called Captivating: Unveiling the mystery of a woman's soul by John and Stasi Elderedge. It was still on my nightstand, buried under some other books, but I knew which one it was, as it had my beaded string book marker in it still. I pulled it out this morning and glanced over it, thinking that I should start reading it.

I didn't open my bible last night or even this morning, when I could have. Instead I was reading a print out of Healing Past Hurts that I got from Lordlaw.com. I was reading from that print out when I remembered the book by John and Stasi Elderedge.

I was seriously thinking about various things. Was I really being self centered during all this time with Phil. I know when I would get upset, Phil would tell me from time to time, that it wasn't always about me. I know that everything is not about me, but it doesn't mean that I don't have feelings that get hurt. Phil didn't like it when I cried. He told me that he didn't need the guilt trip. I wasn't crying to make him feel bad. I was crying at times, because I was hurt. I guess that is one reason why I would cry in shower, because I felt less bad about doing it there then in front of Phil or anyone else. One thing that really hurt about Phil is that he always pointed out every bad characteristic or habit I had, never anything good. I guess I forgot what his reason for loving me and why he loved me. He never said that he didn't love me, but I wondered if he did. I know at night, when things would get hard for me, I would remind myself of all the wonderful things I loved about Phil. I loved his laugh. I loved that his family means the world to him. I loved talent and skill he has with playing pool. I love that he is intelligent and hard working. I guess that is one reason why it was hard for me to shoulder the painful burden that he didn't treat me like he loved me. Maybe it is because I tried had to forget the painful hurts from him and remember why I was trying so hard and why I did love him. I realize now that maybe he didn't love me. Maybe he was just too caught up in his own issues/pain/struggles that he couldn't love me like I needed. I guess it hurts my heart, because in the past before he moved in, we talked about having time with each and doing things together. Things like little trips to places, and nights together. We didn't really go to many places, but I so enjoyed when we did. As to nights together, most of the time, he left to play pool, stayed out late, sometimes not coming home until 5 a.m. and I ended up falling asleep alone. I wonder what I could have done to make the relationship more about “us” rather then just two individuals. Could I have done anything at all? I just don't know.

In the next couple days I will going to pick up a bit more calories, (which shouldn't be too hard for Tomorrow at the office's luncheon).

My list of daily calorie intake:

December 10 – 963.42 calories
December 11 – 1,298.50 calories ( 2 servings of fish)
December 12 – 1,133 calories (2 servings of fish
December 13 – 704 calories
December 14 – 439.50 calories
December 15 – 872 calories (servings of ham)
December 16 – 420 calories
December 17 – 935.6 calories (servings of red meat: steak)
December 18 – 207.2 calories (the day Phil moved out)
December 19 – 1,324 calories (2 servings of fish)
December 20 – 644.90 calories
December 21 – 471.80 calories

The average calorie intake is :784.49333 calories. I guess I figured that out, because I do know that it seems that I am not eating enough calories. I guess I am calling attention to it, as it might seem that I am not eating or starving myself, but I am far from it. If anything I eating a nice satisfying meal. Last night I was really full from eating dinner, that it doesn't seem that I could have only consumed only 168 calories! I have to remember that I am just eating complex carbohydrates, which are healthy for me as well as being low calorie.

I guess I am kind of worried myself so I wanted to listed them to see for myself that I am getting enough calories and what the average is. Since there is no articles or studies on a proper calorie intake after a water fast, I am allowing my metabolism to regulate to normal slowly so I am being very careful on not overwhelming my body with calories. I have noticed that the days with higher calories are the days that I ate either ham, fish or steak. The other days I have eaten mostly veggies and beans where they don't add up as fast in calorie intake like pork/fish/meat do. I realize now that it is those food items (meat/fish and pork) cause a calorie count to add up fast, if not taken in proper portions. I have learned so much with this journey with blogging what I am eating, what I am choosing to eat and how I am moving forward to a healthier lifestyle.

I was making my Oolong tea this morning when I realized I have used my last two tea bags to make my morning 12 ounce travel mug of tea and my 18 ounces of tea in my thermos. I looked for other box and I then realized I had used that one already as well, as there is only 20 tea bags in a box. And in a 5 day period, I use 2 day, which adds up to 10 in a work week. Wow. I will need to get some more. I think I have two extra ones in the bottom of my lunch bag, which I had been meaning to put in my wallet, so I can have them on hand when I eat out like tomorrow.

I noticed the other night that I was developing some blemishes on my back, which were not from my water fast which was almost a month ago. These are new and I have about 6 of them on my back. I am sure they are signs that I am detoxing through my skin, even though I am not juice or water fasting at the moment. I guess that would be a good thing, because it shows that I am doing wonderful things for my body by eating healthy.

I took my measurements today. It wasn't something I wanted to do, but I thought it would be important to know my fat percentage since I knew what my BMI was. Here is the break down:

At the navel: 33.5 inches
Narrowest at the waist: 31.5 inches
Widest at the hips: 40 inches
My neck: 12.5 inches

The Navy body fat formula says that I have a fat percentage of 35.84%

The YMCA formula says that I have a fat percentage of 38.27%

My Waist to hip ratio is 0.78, which says that I have a reduced risk of coronary heart disease, diabetes and stroke. It also says that I am pear shaped. I don't know if I like the whole pear shaped idea, but I guess it is between then being shaped like a apple or something else. LOL

I had a very interesting night. I went over to my best friend, Christy's house to drop off the little long legs Lion, that I bought for her for Christmas. She loves Lions like I love Elephants. We definitely are a pair, as we are so difference, even we have always complimented each in just the right ways. Almost like Yin and Yang. We have been friends for 24 years, since I was 12 years old and moved to Ohio. During our school years, we were a odd pair. A really skinny short girl and a taller heavier girl. One that was nerdy and always had her nose in a book and one that was more physical around those around her. I was the brains and she was the brawn. If I got picked on and beat up upon, she protected me. And in almost all the situations that caused for an idea or a solution, I was the master. I have joked a with her couple times as well as she has done to me likewise, if only she was a guy, I would probably be dating her. LOL She has said that same to me, as well, as we seem to complete each. I guess that is why she is my best friend and I am hers. The closest I ever came to finding her equivalent in male form, was my ex-boyfriend, Travis. Sometimes I miss him as well, but I don't say it much as it is hard to explain, especially when it has been over 6 years. He was not only my boyfriend, but he was my best friend too, just like Christy is.

Well, I digress. I went over to her house, and they were just leaving to go to eat. She asked me if I would like to join them, even though she knew I was on my diet. They were going to McDonald's. I thought I would go and maybe have a salad with them(Christy, her son Jesse and her boyfriend), since it was the Christmas season. We walked to McDonald's and then I started to fret about all the horrible food that was there. I was looking at the nutritional breakdown and all looked horrible. Yet, I was hungry, as it was around my dinner time. Christy and I decided that 10 piece chicken nugget, wouldn't be too horrible, as it would fall within the calorie count I was planning on eating for dinner that night. I was going to make Potato and Zucchini Latkes, which was going to be about 481 calories. And the 10 piece chicken nuggets were 510 calories. I didn't get any fries, just a small water. How did I feel about opening the box of nuggets? I was terrified to eat them at first. I just stared at them saying “ I can't believe that I am going to eat this”. I think Christy must have seen the fear in my face because she keep on telling me that it is okay to eat something bad for you once in a while. I know that she was just encouraging me to eat a little bit or something. Maybe I do now have a fear of eating something hugely fattening. I just didn't want to get my body use to eating food at horrible as fast food again. I am happy with the food that I have been eating and I enjoy it I did eat the chicken nuggets and it was strangely confusing. It tasted good, but not the same type of satisfaction that I get eating veggies, bean and fruit. After I was done eating, I felt like I had a huge brick in my stomach and even an hour later, I felt heavy yet I was so very hungry, as if i had not eaten anything all all.

That wasn't the end of it. When I got back to her house, (we had been gone about 30 minutes), I had found that someone busted out the rear passenger window of my car. My car was in the back of the house. It took me a second to realized what had happened. Nothing was taken out of my car, but then it might just happened and a person didn't get a chance to take anything. I am very lucky. Christy's boyfriend was upset and said “ I wish I could get a hold of the punks that did it and teach them a lesson, wouldn't you?” I told him that the deed was already done and it wouldn't change anything. Strangely, I wasn't too upset over it. I wasn't happy, but I just told myself it could have been much worse then what happened to it. Christy's boyfriend helped me get most of the broken glass out the back seat of the car. It was really nice of him. I made a police report and drove home. It was kind of lonely for me coming home, having to tape up my back window with a garbage bag and no one to share the events of the day with.

I did have a good laugh. I watched the movie “unaccompanied minors” with Lammy sitting on my bed with me. I couldn't get Mekong to come into the bedroom with me. When I laid in bed, I tried really hard not to think about Phil and text him to tell him what happened regarding my car. I actually wondered what a good boyfriend might say or do after finding out about my busted window. I imagined that one might say that “I want you to drive my car, until we can get that window fixed. It would make me feel safer, with the window being out and all.” I think it made me even more lonely doing that. So I focused on watching my movie. I even watched “Despicable Me”, which helped me a little bit.

FOOD INTAKE:

BREAKFAST (around 9:15 a.m.) ½ cup of bean stew (65 calories)

DRINK: 12 ounces of Oolong Tea (consumed over 6 hour period)

SNACK: (around 10:45 a.m.) a medium orange (62 calories)

LUNCH: (12:40 p.m.) One bean stuffed cabbage roll (55 calories) 1 cup of veggie soup (106.8 calories)1 cup of broccoli florets (30 calories) and 1 cup of Fresh Express Spring greens (approximately 10 calories) with Balsamic vinaigrette spray ( 3 squirts – 3 calories),TOTAL CALORIES: 204.8

DRINK: NONE

SNACK: (around 3:30 p.m.) half of grapefruit (53 calories)

DINNER: (around 6:00 p.m.) 10 piece chicken McNuggets (510 calories), hot mustard sauce and a 4 ounces of water of my small 8 ounce water

Snack(around 8:30 p.m.) half of grapefruit (53 calories)

TOTAL CALORIES FOR THE DAY: 894.8 calories

EXERICISE: walked 2.53 miles and played a half an hour of my Wii (Mario Winter Olympics sports

WATER INTAKE: less then 12 ounces

WEIGHT: Unknown