Day 8: 3rd day of my water fast by Sacristia Blog entry

Blog: My Health Journey
by Sacristia

Day 8: 3rd day of my water fast

My daily Journey to a healthier life style

Date: 11/2/2010 3:03:03 PM ( 14 y ) ... viewed 24074 times

November 2, 2010

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. - Anonymous

It is getting harder for some reason. I am on the third day and I know it is a crucial day during a fast if I will end up breaking it or not. I hope that I have the strength to endure.

My sinuses have been draining and I didn't realize it until P. woke me up out of a dead of sleep, because he wanted company. I think he had been drinking because as he woke me up so quickly, that my mind was still foggy, and he went into “nevermind” mode and curled up on the far side of the bed, as I was trying to wake up. I watched his back while I was trying to get back to sleep, but I couldn't really get back to sleep because of my throat was hurting. We didn't talk, as his attitude told me that he really didn't want to talk or he felt that I was ignoring him. It has been like this for months, and I am just worn out trying to coddle him and trying to make him feel loved by me. I have learned over the year, that when he wants affection or feel loved, it is usually at 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning when I am sleeping. When I don't cuddle with him fast enough or fail to wake up enough to realize he wants affection, he gets upset and tells me that I don't love him or all I do is ignore him anymore. So, I laid in bed, trying to get back to sleep, but couldn't. My throat hurt to much, as well as my heart was torn between what is happening between P. and I.

I laid there praying to God, asking Him to look into my heart to see how much I have tried, and tried and tired again to repair my relationship with P. I asked Him if there was something I should have done to repair this rift that is between us. So, I lay there with my heart full and hurting, really wanting move forward and snuggle with P. But afraid that he would push me aside once again, like he has so many other times. If he loved me, he would see that I need attention too, not just always me moving forward to snuggle, start a conversation and/or just trying to make time for him. I can't remember that last night he made time for me wither with his son or alone. Yet, I tried just yesterday to see when he might want to watch a movie or play a board game. So, I didn't get a lot of sleep, since I never got fully back to sleep after he woke me up sometimes after 3:00 a.m.

I am feeling pretty bad that I didn't reach out and at LEAST try and snuggle with P. once I woke up. It isn't like to not try. I guess I am tired of reaching out and not really feeling loved by him. Is that wrong? Is it wrong to feel so used that I don't want to subject myself to it anymore? I still feel very torn by these feelings I have. Now, he will be moving out around the 15th of the month, which I don't have a problem with, other then him and his son will be living with me without helping me with bills that will add up at that time.

Oh, and I will be in full swing of detoxing as well, he will be leaving the week AFTER I have had my vacation. I wonder on how I am going to feel about that emotionally. I hope I can handle it well.

I took a hot shower, thinking that it would help with the sinuses, but it just made me cough and gag more.

I am trying to walk more then I have, but I have notice that I have been getting colder more easily. Last night I warmed up a bit with the help of a heating pad.

Since my throat hurts, I have been heating up some hot water, and decided to sip that help my throat. LOL, It is like drinking bath water! Yucky!! I am wondering if it will help with my hunger pains as well. I have noticed that my abdomen was a little hard and hurt with I pushed on it a little bit. I assume it was my intestines. I will monitor to make sure everything is okay.

My sense of smell is clearing up as well, that probably is because I haven't had much dairy, and when I was preparing for my fast, I was eating a lot of leafy greens and less and less dairy (which usually plugs up my left sinus continuously, depending on how much dairy I ingest.).

I walked a little over 2 miles yesterday (If that can give you an idea of what a sedentary life style I live, as that was both work and home). I haven't been walking a lot outside as it is getting much colder out, and I hate it! I really need to figure something out that I can do in the house in my living room.

MY GRATEFUL LIST:

1.I am grateful for lovely heating pad and long sweaters that keep me warm when it is cold.

2.I am grateful for the enjoyment listening to the radio.

3.I am grateful for God

4.I am grateful that I can enjoy the simple things in life, like reading to keep me busy.

5.I am grateful for the large variety of food that I can eat (which I can't eat at this time, but I can smell really well!)

WATER INTAKE (so far): 45.8 ounces