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DAY 28: Pain, Confusion, Need to Commit to Sitting Down and Planning
I am firmly in a fasting day count. The meditation will lead the way to stopping the overeating between fasts.
Date: 12/7/2008 9:53:46 PM ( 16 y ) ... viewed 2014 times well - maybe it is not so bad as I portray it. It's just that today is a day of forcing down more food than my body can deal with. Yesterday was the first day I used enema to enable overeating since my last fast. great progress. But I am compulsed to do it again today.
Mainly I think I need to focus on when to start my next fast.
I see a pattern and I also see the way to get out of it.
so -- my next fast: 3 1/4 days. Start on I think Tuesday, in the morning. This feels right. Start 6 a.m. and fast until Friday noon = 78 hours.
I can't write down all I feel/am experiencing now. I can maybe commit to meditating tomorrow, 3 or 4 hours in a.m. I guess.
This will bring me to a stable plan of how to eliminate the compulsive overeating.
I just have a lot of ambivalence about actually obeying my body and not eating when it can't handle food; and about stopping eating at my stop signal; and about eating rather small meals & never large ones; and it's hard, and I have to strategize about it,,,,,,, I can't think about this now, and I am too vulnerable to think out loud in public about it this way.
I need a definite meditation regime and so that is the next thing. I am firmly in a fasting day count. The meditation will lead the way to stopping the overeating between fasts.
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