Day 94 Raw Only, Day One of Fast
Date: 7/26/2008 7:26:37 PM ( 14 y ) ... viewed 1874 times
It is Saturday and after struggling to begin my fast the past few days I have now started.
I am trying to have a breakthrough and fast 7 days.
I know the psychologically hardest time will be at or just before teh 2-day mark.
At this point in time I will sort of give up. I will say to myself that I "can't stand" continuing to fast, or that continuing isn't worth it.
I want this time to be different.
I am lonely right now... I wish I had someone to hold me and tell me that it was worth it to take the fast, that it would be hard, and that
Right now I have a little resistance to fasing based on the fact that I am not overweight.
I want to get really solid in the knowledge that weight is not the only reason to fast, and you do not have to be overweight to fast.
In reality I am actually at risk always, as long as I put off learning to fast, --at risk of obesity -- since though I with white knuckles maintain a raw diet and limit my food intake, this is, as I say, with white knuckles. I know that fasting would return me to a state in which I would no longer be compulsed to eat, no longer be compulsed to get high that way.
I want this health and ease in life.
It is so hard to face the fact that in order to get it I will really need to go through a difficult, difficult time of fasting.
I want to fast 7 days. I say this knowing I am probably going to be a hypocrite -- turn suddenly tomorrow and say to myself "Oh, I've done enough... I'm too scared to go on... I can't stand how grim and lonely my life is."
What can I do to address the grimness today?
I can go to the movies at the bargain theater. I have 2 free passes, so I can see 2 movies at some point.
How can I connect with others?
I have jsut had a troubling exchange with a woman I just met in a sort of
I wish I could make fasting appealing to myself.
Maybe I could try to get more involved in serious projects -- with what I have had soem impulses sometimes to do with my life. I could try to write my novels and I could try to act my monologues so I could try to get acting jobs. ... This is not realistic. It is too ambitious.
The best thing for me to do is be realistic. What can i do to get through tomorrow???? .... I'm thinking of support groups. But just going to support groups
Sometimes it is good to get involved in what for me are real, challenging, absorbing projects about my career. Like, I could try to get headshots done and start applying to casting agencies.
I seem to live in just a food fog all the time, never wanting to advance my career. This is another reason to fast.
But I cannot really feel willing to fast based on the idea "I should live sober and not as a food drunk with no career."
I need some other motivation. I need something I can hold onto. I need something not too hard, and more gentle.
Yet I need to do something purposeful tomorrow. I need to feel I am living to a purpose.
What can I do tomorrow?
Oh God I have to go this isnt' my computer.
Pleae god give me what to do tomorrow.
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