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Summertime...crashing and fasting
just more thoughts on fasting...
Date: 6/28/2008 3:47:47 AM ( 16 y ) ... viewed 2811 times It is Day 4 (wee hours) of my "summertime" water fast. I am stricken with fasting insomnia (which I have decided beats out insomnia without some associated reason) but my hunger is pretty much gone, at least for now. Days 1-3 are usually the most challenging for me with water fasting, and this fast has been no exception. Today, emotionally, I was all over the place. I think my rule of thumb now is if I can't do days 1-3 pretty much by myself to some extent *little or no human interaction*, I need to wait until I can =)
I have spent a good deal of time this year preparing for this fast, particularly the last few months. This fast is planned to be open ended. I realize that I have never actually fasted "to completion" and it is my intent to do that this time. Since I am not working at the moment, it seems to be the ideal time to do this. So I feel inclined to make some reflections on fasting. Since January, I have lost about 70 pounds through fasting, raw food and developing exercise habits that I consider to be pretty healthy. For the first time in a very long time, I feel somewhat hopeful that I can achieve health-related goals.
But the fasting has not been all sunshine and roses. I will explain this...first, the emotional upheaval I experience when I fast is really very strange to me. I haven't quite decided if this is healthy for me, or if it is positive or negative. Maybe it is just something that falls in the middle of the the two. I have gone out of my way to make sure I don't make any major decisions, or other impulsive behavior-type actions while fasting. I did violate this self-imposed rule several times in May, and I do regret it somewhat. Both things weren't anything seriously major (in the scheme of things), but it did impact some things. I hate to interpret this as fasting causing me to be not in my 'right mind', because I really don't believe that. But, my emotional state is sensitive...this requires a bit more caution on my part.
I also am disappointed that my endocrine disorder, hypothyroidism, seemingly is unaffected by fasting (so far). I am not ruling out the possibility that, in time, and perhaps after fasting to completion, this issue could show some improvement. I had to actually start taking more hormones in May and it bummed me out, along with making me emotionally a wreck. My TSH skyrocketed (inexplicably? to 86.8!) and my doctor started cautioning me of signs to be alert to related to Hypo-related coma. She scared the shit out of me. I don't have an endo right now, but I am grateful to have a very smart doc who knows a thing or two about this disease, and doesn't frown upon fasting, either. I think she was scaring me on the side of caution, really. Things seem to have evened out a bit now, by the end of June. I will have to go get my blood checked again after this fast, just because I have a hunch my TSH # will change with the degree of hormone I am taking, and factoring in the extended fast. I cringe every time I have to go to the doc because I am paying out of pocket for everything right now.
On a positive note, this weight loss is really amazing feeling...I have energy more days than I used to, anyway. I still have the residual Hypo-drag feeling (I think I just made a new word haha). Some days I don't have that, though, and those are great days. I even sort of/kind of like looking in a mirror once in a while (I have been avoiding mirrors for several years). Another positive connected to fasting is the appreciation I have developed for raw food/whole food. I do not eat 100% raw food...I still do enjoy some cooked food, even meat on occasion. Overall, I crave raw foods more than cooked foods at this point, though out of the blue occasionally I have horrible cravings that have caused me to crash, and I have done this memorably two times in the last six months. Both times, I craved serious amounts of sugar, and indulged these cravings - and got really, really sick both times. You would think after the first time I would remember what happened and learn from that? Nooo...so I still believe I have some self-control issues to work out when it comes to impulses and food. But overall, the changes are really good.
Is fasting addictive? Just as I crave things from time to time I should not have, I find myself craving fasting, too. I get a little anxious when I know I am beginning a fast and I feel a bit pressured to "load up" on nutrients the few days prior to the fast. I want to have more a natural, and anxiety-free approach to fasting. I think perhaps this will come when weight loss is less of an expected result from fasting, and healing and detox only are on my mind. Since losing the weight I've lost, I have complete confidence I can get to a very healthy, normal weight again - I had completely lost confidence in that being possible. Now, I can hardly wait to get there...and I am almost there, relatively speaking. My plan, once the fall comes, is to only fast seasonally (as is suggested by Bragg, one of my favorite fasting experts/authors). I find it very easy to stick with the one fasting day per week he suggests, also. Some of my thoughts related to weight loss tend to circle around the notion of balance...I think one of the reasons weight loss is so hard for people in general is because it is, technically, putting your body out of balance. It is not maintenance. It is skewing things so that body loses fat. Ideally, we should be in balance all the time. Why is it so much "easier" to be out of balance in a negative way than in a positive way? (i.e. gaining weight - for many - is not troublesome or a chore). As I think about this more, in many ways, it really is a trouble and a chore...carrying around extra weight is cumbersome, tiring...maintenance, balance, resistance, addiction...all these things are floating around in my head. I feel like I will someday make some sense out of them, but right now they are still just asteroids in a galaxy of confusion in my head. Fasting, to me, is such a rest from this...it is like chilling out at the space station!
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