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DAY 30!!!!! I am still here baby! I did it!!!!!!
(sing with me!) Living my life like it's Golden... golden...
Date: 2/9/2008 3:59:06 AM ( 16 y ) ... viewed 4069 times OH MY GOD!!! Guys, I haven’t been around because I have been soo busy and I have spent much time in introspection these last couple of days. But I am happy to write that I did it! I did it! I did it! I know I haven’t kept up with my post for those who always read my blog.. I don’t know what happened… I would look forward to it every day then when it came down to the last few days…I would be too tired to write by the time I got in bed.
I have learned so much about myself, life, the need to let go, the need to strive, the importance of QUALITY of health, emotional healing, how strong I am, how powerful I am and how I must stop beating myself and enjoy this now moment. I must appreciate all that I am and at the same time strive for all I desire. And damn it!!! Exercise is one major part of that, somehow I have to schedule that better! I think group classes etc will work better for me… I am going to try and get into something this week.
I thing that had me down...just a little. (Although I try not to let anything keep me down!) because of an incident at work. I will give you the short story then I will give you my glory! Ok… I am 30 years old and I am the youngest of all the people I work with, this is not unusual because you can see by now that I am brilliant! Anyway… there are 3 people I work with…all over 50 who despise me….they despise me like pharmaceutical companies hate herbs! 1 person in particular has hated for at least 3 long sad years of her life!!!! It is sad that she has placed so much energy into me. This hatred started subtlety than became blatant, and EVERYONE knows! People in our department would come up to me asking WHY… of course my response is because “I’m fabulous!” Some people don’t like happy people but FU@% them! Life is about joy! I want to say.. “BITCH we create our lives… GET TO WORK ON CREATING YOURS!”…but I don’t….
Anyway…my manager has known about this miserable unprofessional person for a while, telling on anything that I may do.. stuff like “Cerita was copying personal documents on the printer!… I mean everyone knows she is rude but my manager confided in me that she has been speaking with my manager’s MANAGER telling lies…on fantabulous ME?!?!?!?!. My manager says… the things she has been saying are so stupid that I KNOW they are lies… so I ask.. have your manager know the truth to which she replied YES. This deep seated hatred has been going on for a while but to LIE on me and try to get me fired because of a personal grudge… SHE HAS GONE TO FAR. I am going to keep it real…I was pissed but I had to ask the question, what have I done to attract such flagrant ignorance? What am I supposed to be learning from this situation? I had to leave the room for a while to gather myself and I prayed. I asked for the strength to always be at peace, to stand in my truth and to be able to work with the whores.. I mean people without animosity. That is when it hit me. This is teaching me to allow others to be who they are and at the same time stand in my truth and not let opinions and what is happening “out there” to affect me. I also realized that I have been judging them. They have been at this company 30+ years and have never achieved anything more than basic operator…I make more money than them, but that is none of my damn business, I know I need to be focused on NOT eating sour cream and onion potatoes chips.. not what others are doing!
I realized something else… in my other post I talked about passion and if I liked real estate and I wanted clarity etc etc etc. This experienced help me because it gave me what a teacher defined as “a NEED” for motivation. They gave me my NEED or at least I was finally listening! I have a NEED to seek security from within! I have a need to define and control my life. I have a NEED to take care of myself because I know no company or person is going to do that to my standards. I NEED to quit! I have the brains, the guts, the knowledge, and of course GOD to take care of me... but… what I don’t have is TRUST. Before I wasn’t sure, but now I know I must TRUST, because my happiness and growth depend on it! I know…that was a lot.
Enough of that….I made it 30 freakin days!!! I am so proud of myself. I feel great. I knew this would be a great transition for me and I am right! I am holding myself to a new standard…the bar has been raised baby. I have not had a sugar craving and that is soo wonderful and I don’t plan on giving myself one by eating sweets. I am a birthday cake whore NO MORE! I am happy about that, however, I have thought about Pizza! I will not introduce sweets into my diet any time soon. I have soo much more respect for the human body, we place such a demand on it will all we eat and DON’T DO but it finds ways to accommodate! We are blessed anyway..
So the last couple of days have been interesting…because I know there are many things I want to accomplish, I have made sure that I spend my time doing what is important and because of this I have been busy but fulfilled.
So I am happy with my weight loss and have received many compliments. I am wearing clothes that were formally too small. I have had a lot of revelations, of course I did sh!# A LOT during this time and we are most pleased that it is OUT! So this has been great.
I had my first meal of a SALAD for breakfast. I felt my stomach could handle it and it did just fine. It was just lettuce, carrots, tomatoes, cucumbers and balsamic vinaigrette, and my stomach handled it just fine! I said a loooong prayer of thanks and boy did I savor every bite! I wrote in my journal the intention I have for eating and I want to commit to that! I went food shopping today because I had practically NO food in the house. The fruits and vegetables lit up when I walked in the grocer. I bought 2 pineapples, apples, carrots, broccoli… all good stuff. I would not let myself think about money because if we get sick, there is NO amount of money we WOULDN’T spend! I brought as much organic as I could, no juice or soda.. Just water. I have some recipes because I don’t want to get tired of eating vegetables.. but I think I will be ok. I didn’t by any ice cream or Debbie cakes either! I bought veggie burgers and beans and stuff. I have a few things to learn as I also want to eat plenty of raw. I read ausjulie’s blog when she got off her fast and she went right into eating raw foods…I don’t know where to start except with juicing and raw fruits and vegetables… but I am going to make it work.
Man I apologize for not posting because I did have some funny stuff happen to me over the last few days and I would have had you guys laughing so hard… I am going to try to update because you guys motivated me like you wouldn’t believe!
I am so grateful for all of you who have shared… your journey, your stories, your truth, your triumphs, your fumbles, your desires, your hopes and your life. This blog has made this fantastic experience that much more wonderful. Now is when it gets REAL and wise decisions have to be made... ahhh to be healthy!
Thank you soooo much and I love you all.
Life is sooo good… if we would only LET GO!
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