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Ten Affirmations 14 y
10 affirmations
* Today is the only day I have.
* I can choose to act out of faith today.
* I can love today and not hurt.
* I can accept life exactly as it is and feel ’full’.
* Happiness is my choice today.
* Nothing is wrong, right now in this moment I am okay.
* Action = sanity.
* As long as I have breath I have reason to hope for better.
* I am forgivable.
* I am forgiven.
* I forgive with compassion and love.
* I take care of myself.
* I give to others just so that I may give.
Came up with 13. visit the page What did I miss? 14 y
review
What am I missing in my ’old sponsor’s’ words that it’s in my pattern to run away. Yup. Running is my pattern. Every time someone in my life died, I ran. My father, my grandmother, my three brothers and my son.
No one has died. I feel like I am dying in a way. Like I am shedding my emotional self that I have known all of my life. So there’s a death.
Each time she’s wanted to work the 6th and 7th step with me and then asked me to show her last year’s 4th step that I had done with my City sponsor - I just didn’t trust her. My gut kept going off that she wasn’t qualified to do i ... read more Need to break form. 14 y
Me & God, no matter what.
It has been quite a wild ride these past three days. Brought to light, finally, how it feels to be in my position at work. Not angrily, not for pity - but for sanity. Just described the actions, described the feelings, described my intent this point forward. Just do a good job and keep showing up. That’s it. After all that I’ve been getting through I need to let myself off the hook that I am not perfect. I have learned this job in just about 3 months and I have been self-destructive most of the time.
Strong as an ox, I’ve come to believe.
The snow shoeing is daily, not an exac ... read more Day 5, ten affirmations 14 y
grateful
10 - 14 hour workdays. So, here goes today:
* I choose to inhale God’s love
* I choose to distribute that love with each exhale
* My son lives in me and every moment I am present today is an amends for the times when I was not present for him during his life
* I enjoy walking in nature, it reminds me of what is REAL and what is not
* As I take care of myself, I see the love the world has to offer
* I enjoy my life today - even a good sneeze I can be grateful for
* I am a good friend today as I’ve not acted out toward any of my friends in resentment
* If a friendshi ... read more Day 4, ten affirmations 14 y
one more day
* I am a walking embodiment of God’s Love
* I am not my mistakes
* I choose to love
* I can sit quietly and observe others without letting my reactive feelings rule my behavior
* I can be stronger for admitting when I am wrong
* I am exactly where God wants me to be
* I am on the path to health, to peace and joy
* I make myself available to others
* I mean something in this world’s plan
* I am a light of hope for others to see visit the page Day 3, ten affirmations 14 y
positive affirmations
* I take good care of myself physically, emotionally, and spiritually
* I take care to treat others with kindness and respect
* I apologize for my shortcomings and change my behavior
* I have hope for the future
* I forgive myself for the past
* I live well today in 24 hour compartments
* I keep my heart open so that love can find its home
* I approach my job with a strong commitment to do my very best
* I keep my beautiful son’s memory alive in my heart and am thankful to have had him for all the time I did
* I choose today to not judge others or t ... read more Day 2, ten affirmations 14 y
Day 2, ten affirmations
almost forgot:
I continue to try even when I feel like I’m choosing to fail. I turn it around in the moment.
I am a powerful, positive force in my life.
I am okay alone.
God loves me and has kept me alive without my son on this Earth for a reason. I WILL live that reason out.
I am not sinking without my ex’s. I loved them. They loved me. I will not believe that my sanity in contingent on their attachment to me.
I can still be a sane and powerful ambassador of God in this one day.
I no longer have to call myself crazy to feel ’safe’. I can stand up on my own two f ... read more insanity is inaction 14 y
keep trying
The seconds just tick by, the opportunity, the one-shot deal just keeps moving on without me when I choose inaction.
I slept in til 8.
Dreamt about crap I just don’t need in my mind.
Crying and having panic.
How to salvage, got 25 minutes to get real, seek God, did into this one shot deal called ’my life’. Now.
Okay, did last night’s dishes before this blog. Now what.
Coffee
Shower
Clothes
Up-do for hair
Make up
Check book
Throw together breakfast & lunch in 3 min. Eat on the run
Already prayed as I fell out of bed
Exercise on lunch break, grab ... read more End of day 14 y
sanity is action
Did well.
Up early.
Prayed.
Exercised.
Black coffee.
Listed 10 affirmations - broke my glasses. People does not have an ’i’. This I know.
Read daily readings/journal.
Baked a dozen cookies for meeting tonight.
Sat down and ate 3 scrambled eggs.
*Up at 5am.
Problems this morning:
No make up
Late for work
Alterction with man in parking lot trying to tell me what to do - just not a good idea to call me a bitch as I walk away from being told what to do - Jeezum. I was trying to be nice. I then got asked out when I held him accountable for being su ... read more Day 1, ten affirmations 14 y
positive affirmations
Today I am willing to start to believe...
...that I a faithful. I practice faith in the beautiful world God hmas born me into that I am okay right here right now
...that I welcome fresh air and life into my body. I welcome strength, courage and life into my body today by exercising outdoors
...I am strong within myself and my relationship with my Creator. It is my seeking my belonging and comfort with my Creator that I find strength and change
...I care about those around me and know that whatever actions they take, those actions are based on their existence with their Creat ... read more Deleted last posting. 14 y
Please God.
Must tidy it up, I guess.
Cleaned 4 condominiums today. Did nine floors on my hands and knees, scrubbed 9 toilets. Trainee under me did one toilet and one floor. That was all it took to know who was going to be in charge of that detail. He made over 15 beds though. That’s a lot of linen.
I am letting myself off the hook in exercising one hour today. My back is kiiling me and I worked until dark. Nuff said.
I have changed since beginning this blog again in that I now do a nightly teeth/face hygiene regimen again. I got so depressed over Christmas, I just stopped. I then gav ... read more Sunday 14 y
live through this day only
I’ve been awake since 4:30AM and I am dreading this day. I am working in a dept. I DESPISE doing work I despise. So, the usual tactic? Roll over and try to sleep for one hour then run out the door without food or a shower just hating my day.
Different tactic? Well, show up and be my best for them. Yes, BE PRESENT. Sh*t. That means I have to accept the unpleasantness of it all with all cylinders firing. Usually I check out, run on only partial cylinders, and indulge in self-pity for the day. I stay hidden in a way. Hidden in my crap thinking and feeling A sort of mental drug t ... read more Worked it. 14 y
nachos
Worked my butt off for one full hour on the snow shoes plowing down the rec path and the circumference of the corn field. Yes, I actually do live in ”East Podunk”! It’s quite beautiful here.
I turned on the country music (It’s called ’Racing Country’ on Saturdays) and I just moved in full motion as deeply as I could until I was too tired to swing my arms or lift my knees high. I went to a speaker meeting and now I’m home.
Eating nachos with A LOT of cheese - just the way my boy liked them. Locally made salsa and locally made sour cream on the side. Yum yum.
I’m going to dig in ... read more Saturday 14 y
Step 10
Did not exercise before the meeting this morning. Did not share in the meeting even though the silence lasted quite a while and the meeting ended early due to the lag in sharing. I am not responsible today to make sure the meeting is going well. I am practicing ’restraint of tongue and pen’ due to my spewing anger in the previous seven months of ’sharing’. Last night’s meeting was on ’death and how we handle it’. An old-timer nudged me to share. Nope, I’m just not doing it. Not now. I have got to learn to just be quiet and let this state’s AA be exactly what it is. Every time I op ... read more Respect is earned. 14 y
respect is earned
Man. I think I work hard, right? I think I keep plugging away and am not getting the results for my actions.
Clue #1. My actions aren’t effective. Change them.
I just got back from an hour long power walk on my snow shoes. I sent out two overdue gifts and Valentine’s Day cards. I feel good that I gave to others. But there’s more. Much, much more expected of me than this.
Each day I’ve been getting out 15-30 minutes. I need to step it up. It needs to happen before I subject anyone to me for that day - in other words in the early morning. I need to be out there long enoug ... read more action is real 14 y
reality: it doesn't have to be what I think
Broke and fixed my coffee maker! I am truly my father’s daughter! I used to watch him when I was a child fix things at the kitchen table in the early 1970’s. He was a vending machine mechanic, the machines were operated internally by springs, levers and washers. He’d take them all apart and I’d just sit and watch. He gave off a warmth, a peace, a calm when doing this. He’d drink coffee and smoke cigarettes. Sometimes a beer, warm.
Reality, today. Sunny day. Told my sponsor I need to take a week off from our relationship. I just get in a space that I cannot share or be spoken t ... read more collective sanity 14 y
Waiting is the hardest part
Worked hard yesterday. Jogged in snow shoes on my lunch hour. My co workers thought I was on drugs in the early day. I was truly not operating and thinking with all cylinders. It is crazy how it feels like my brain shuts parts down just so that I can keep going and not feel the full extent of the pain I’m in. I remember this happening for the first year my son died every single day. I was in a fog, couldn’t process information, couldh’t think - literally. People would ask me questions and my response was absolutely delayed. I would get the most rude responses when I would stare bla ... read more |