Chronic health issue has me contemplating suicide

I want to make it clear that this post is not a cry out for attention, I can get that in many other ways and don't need something like this or the internet to obtain it.

I'm only 21 years old and have not had a single health problem in my entire life. The worst I've had to deal with is a nasty cold/flu or at worst, stitches/ingrown toe nail removal/dental work. I'm a very resilient and confident person. I have a strong personality and I am usually not bothered by anything.

Lately my life has fallen apart. These past 4 months seem to have flown by in just several days. Ever since June 6th I haven't been the same. I've developed over 20 symptoms that doctors can only guess at and most tell me to go to research clinics. I've tried various medications and anti-biotics to no avail. I've come here and am doing the natural approach and still see no improvements, but I continue trying.

You can read my whole story here if you're interested:
//www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1267560#i


My symptoms as they stand: constant tickle in the throat, white/yellow furry thick coated tongue, sour taste in mouth/taste distortion, fatigue, drowsiness, brain fog, depression, anxiety, constant burping/gas, sore throats when I lie down, shortness of breath, post-nasal drip, excess phlegm, excess salivation, extremely odorous gas and bowel movements, particles/powder in bowel movement, bowel irregularities such as diarrhea/constipation, a burning throat sometimes that can spread all the way up to the back of my neck near my head that is not heartburn and is unresponsive to antacids/h2 blockers/PPI's or traditional cures, bloating, lack of interest in doing what I used to do (played an online game called WoW for 5 years every day since its been out, haven't signed into it in 2 months due to my problem, that's saying a lot), depersonalization/derealization or a 'fuzzy' feeling, lack of libido/sex drive, nasal congestion, white material on tonsils (right tonsil is very swollen), lump in throat after swallowing food, sensation of 'food sticking' when I swallow it, and headaches (started a couple days ago and have stayed). I also experience a pressure valve/squeezing bubbles that rise when I lie down or sometimes when not lieing down. My stomach will expel gas without a burp and this is very audible, sometimes it will gurgle as well.

Not to mention if I drink cold liquid and burp/bloat I feel it again. Same with hot liquid, I feel the warmth again. I get the fizzing feeling in my throat. Every forum online says my symptoms coincide with "acid reflux"/"LPR". I am deadly afraid of having this since I heard it's a permanent condition, and that's why I'm contemplating suicide. My throat also gurgles after drinking water at times.

I am not a weak person, and it's not about living with discomfort. I just don't feel like the same person anymore after having all this, it's a huge shock. I don't want to live life with whatever this is, constantly thinking how it would be if it never happened.

To give you an idea how much it's affecting my life: I never leave the house anymore, I don't play the online games I used to be addicted to any longer, I no longer have any libido/sex drive, I have no love/feelings for my gf of 6 years or family members as my problem occupies all of my concern/attention, I went from a straight A student in college to not even being able to attend class due to how psychologically ill this physical illness is making me.

I've tried the sedatives, St Johns wort, you name it, I don't want it and it doesn't fix my problem.

I know this can't just be acid reflux if I'm having it affect my lower bowels and it's giving me thrush with other symptoms. I fear "LPR" the most as I feel like life really screwed me over since it's supposedly a permanent condition. I don't want to live like this, and I don't even know if I have it, or what my problem is.

I just wish I knew what this was and how to get rid of it. I'm not a weak person and I'd like very much to stay alive, it actually saddens me that it has come to this. I feel like it's a waste but it's the only way out that I see. I've tried to remain optimistic this entire time but my symptoms are so relentless. I don't have any money to go out and buy herbs or pills, I don't know what to do.

This is very much unlike me, before this happened I never even frequented Health Forums or talked about my health at all or even cared about it.

I suppose this post is sort of a last desperate attempt to reach out and somehow find an answer before I take matters into my own hands and end this constant suffering. It's not the pain, but living with the fact that I don't feel like myself due to the illness, or whatever it is, and then getting nostalgic for times when I felt better, or even nostalgic for an alternative reality that could be occurring now in absence of this problem.

Does anyone have any ideas? Tweet