Your reply means the world to me and is very helpful. I really need others perspectives right now since mine is out of sorts. I just want you to know however, that I have am extremely close and wonderful relationship with my son and he is with me the majority of the time. He is my heart ans I don't know what I would ever do without him. Without sounding egotistical, I think I am a wonderful mother. I am just having such a hard time thinking that we could have had the "perfect family". I would never do anything to hurt anyone including my ex and wife's relationship I just need to get over these feelings that are killing me. Thank you again so much and I welcome others to please respond as your thoughts and advice are very healing for me.